Etiquette Dilemmas

I'm with you in feeling uncomfortable if thanked too much. I do things to help, not to get thank you gifts. I think maybe there is a danger of making the gift a payment, if that makes sense. Not that this is the case with you, First.

I clear the snow from my elderly neighbor's driveway and sidewalks and she insists on paying me. It drives me crazy! I would do it for free as would my husband when it's more convenient for him to do it. It makes me uncomfortable. I even tried a tip I learned here to get her to stop. She kept telling me to let her know if I needed this or that favor, she would gladly help me out. I said I don't feel comfortable asking for a favor when she paid me for the snow shoveling. Pffft...like talking to a wall. lol

One of the first times I did this for her, she came out with a container of some homemade chicken soup she had just made. I explained I'm a vegetarian but my husband isn't so if she didn't mind I was sure he'd love to have it. He gobbled it up it was so good and I told her that, but she never sent any more home with me. Now my husband and I joke that he really wants her to pay in chicken soup, but I won't ever tell her that. I'm afraid she'll make him soup AND pay me.

All this makes me wonder what etiquette books would say about these types of situations. ;)

I think we all have times when we are the person in need and times when we can be the person to help a person in need. I'm really big on the idea of paying it forward. For the man that helped me carry my stroller across Boston City Hall plaza, I gave another mom at the pediatrician $5.00 to pay for parking(she had a screaming sick baby and ran out without any cash) I really hope she passed that favor forward to another mom in need of a little assistance.

My mom is a senior (77) and I know that your neighbor just doesn't want to feel like a burden, it upsets their feeling of independance when they take too many favors. So, you may actually be doing her a favor by graciously accepting the payment. I know that my mom had older family memebers that totally "expected" to be catered to just because they were old and she really doesn't want to come off in that way. This year she asked me to take over cooking the family Easter dinner, but insisted on paying for the groceries. A few years back, I'd have fought her on taking the money, but now I see that she was just trying to preserve her sense of being head of the family. Basically, she doesn't have the stamina to plan, shop, cook, clean for a huge gathering, but she still wants to have an adult role in it.

They moved away on the 27th :(  I'm very sad.  The little girl (I think she was 6 or 7) was always so sweet with Emily, she was pretty much the only kid that would play with Emily.  (Well, the other girls would try, but they'd take Emily's ball and start playing off to the side with it, while Emily tried to get it back.  I stay outside with Emily whenever she is out there and it took me telling them to give the ball back to Emily for them to realize they were making her upset, she was about to cry.)

The only good thing that is coming out of them leaving is we're approved to move into their 3 bedroom townhouse, from our 2 bedroom apartment, which will be nice.