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my mom's uncle died recently. he had triple bypass surgery a few months ago and he never really recovered fully. he was in and out of the hospitals for a while and his last visit to the hospital he never left. about a week before he died my mom went to see him and she said they had a nice talk. he was very coherent. at that time he was having a little issue with his breathing- not life threatening. its like he was talking 1 day then on bi-pap the next and then shortly thereafter he died. the night he died we were all there because his granddaughter called and said that he stopped breathing. so 25 or so of us rush over (he was in hospice at this time) and he was fine and stable. around midnight my uncle's daughter asked the nurse how he was doing and she said that he was stable. she then told all of us to go home. she even told her mom (his wife) to go home. neither of them did but many of us did. about an hour later we get a call that my uncle had died. it was like- bam!

my aunt (his wife) said that she wasn't going to have a wake or funeral and coming from a huge italian family that was difficult (and still is today) to understand. she said that he didn't want one (understandable) but was planning on having a memorial mass in 2 weeks. we were all waiting for the details and were going to go. come to find out that there isn't going to be a memorial mass. my cousin (his daughter who told us all to leave) has her priest mention his name during that next sunday mass. i think it would have been best if there was a memorial mass. it helps with the grieving process, you know?

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that everything turns out for the best with the arrangements. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

(((HUGS)))

I'm really sorry that you lost your uncle, and in such an abrupt fashion. I will say, though, that he was a lucky man in life to have 25 people rush to his bedside. It's a great testament to both him and all of you. I hope you're able to find support in your family in helping to deal with the loss.

And I do think a memorial service would be completely appropriate. Would it cause a huge family rift if some of you were to organize a memorial service for anyone interested in attending? It doesn't have to be extravagant, just a gathering where people can tell stories, look at pictures and remember his life.

  Jenn 
CL-JENNBOS73

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Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss! Sounds like he was quite a person, with so many of you rushing to see him.

It does seem odd to not have a funeral or memorial or anything! Has anyone said why? I agree that maybe some of you might consider arranging a memorial or even just planning an informal get-together for those that want to take part. A lot of restaurants have separate rooms that you can reserve, then nobody would have to do a lot of preparation. Just show up to reminisce & eat & let someone else take care of the food & cleanup!