Spring Love

My personal opinion, when it comes to porn, is that it doesn't bother me if my dh looks at it from time to time or if he masturbated while he watched it. We have a very healthy sex life, so I don't feel like it takes anything away from me.

I think that porn becomes a problem if a guy uses it instead of having sex with his partner, when his partner is available. Like, if you wanted sex (including oral, etc., not just intercourse) and he would rather masturbate instead of being with you. It might also be a problem if he spent money he couldn't afford on porn, or if he's neglecting other responsibilities, like work or household chores.

Most men grow up thinking about masturbation and porn differently than women do. And many (probably most) men (and a lot of women) continue to masturbate even when they're married and have healthy sex lives. Self-pleasure gives them a quick outlet for sexual tension and relieves stress. Guys esp. sometimes feel a lot of pressure to please their partner, so when they're alone, they don't have to worry about that.

Also, most healthy guys (I'll bet he's one of them) know how to separate fantasy from reality. I'm sure that he would prefer the real live you with the imperfect body over a porn star any day. The fact that he's still a virgin shows me that he has no desire to really be with someone like that. I'm sure he's had opportunities to be with women whose values were different than yours, but he waited to find someone like you.

Why hasn't he told you about it? Maybe he was embarrassed because masturbation is so private, or maybe he was afraid it would upset you. Chances are he is thinking about you even when he's looking at the video. My hubby and I still fantasize about other people <Brad Pitt> even though we really <oh, Bradley!> are completely satisfied with each other.

Instead of "confronting," why don't you think of it as a conversation. Let him know what you found and how you found it, and ask him (in an inquiring way, not accusing) why he uses it, how he feels about it, etc. Try to encourage him to talk (i.e. don't act angry or hurt) so that you can get it out in the open. After he's told you whatever he's willing to say, let him know how you feel about it. Try to be open-minded and negotiate a solution that you can both be happy with.

Sorry that I got a little long-winded. ;-) I hope that other members will chime in with their opinions. Welcome to the board.

Jazz