Money & Relationships/Ask the Expert

This is my point exactly!!  Like my ending statement: "That's hot" was meant to express.  I'm suggesting that maybe the feelings aren't for the man but for the feeling of being wanted.  It's intoxicating and we have to make sure we don't chase the feeling and end up with regret.

I'm speaking from experience on this one. 

I think you need to picture yourself without your husband. You miss this other person becaus they are not near you. Would you miss your husband if he was not around? 

An affair hurts everyone. Trust me, I'm trying to salvage my relationship after my husband had an affair. Even with us moving to another state, it has had long lasting effects on everyone including the kids.  I quit a great job and moved out of state. My husband followed so I thought we could have a new start but My husband,  still I suspect texts her from time to time. Which drives me mad. No proof but, he keeps his phone on him at all times and on "vibrate only" Part of me wishes he would have just left me and the kids so I could move on with my life. Now, instead, I'm here in a new state without a job and dependent on "his" unemployment.  Yes, he made the move and did not want to leave me but, he still has the desire to speak with this women. Now, I'm starting to want to do the same thing. "If you can't beat them, join them" Do you want your husband doing that too?  Trust me, if you have any feelings still for your husband, an affair is one flood gate that you don't want to open.

Off subject for just a second - you can check on his texts online.  go to cell phone website & log in you can see texts, pictures, all of it.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

I agree with pretty much everyone else in that you should cut of contact.  It can only lead to one place and that "place" can hurt you, your husband, his wife, and most importantly your kids.  Its nice to be wanted but is it worth the hurt it can cause?  Be careful.  This is from experience, trust us all on this advice.

Welcome to our board, Imacrazygoddess. It's okay to 'fantasize' about this guy but it needs to stop at that.

Think about the errational thoughts surrounding this. He is recently married so he's certainly not feeling the same way about you. He lives over 1000 miles away so the long distance alone would most likely prevent anything from developing. So, I would suggest you begin putting him out of your mind and understand that this is just a fantasy/dream.

Now, back to you. Is anything missing in your marriage that is causing you to think about throwing caution to the wind and potentially destroying your marriage? Do you still love your spouse? Do you still want to stay with him? Are there kids involved? Are you ready to get back into the dating scene and very possibly not finding someone compatible enough to marry again for quite some time, if ever? 

If you want to save your marriage then perhaps it's time for the two of you to consider spending a weekend at a couples retreat and try re-igniting the spark that used to be there...

I have a neighbor/friend who about a year ago reconnected with an old flame at a high school reunion. She began to fantasize this new potential relationship into something it was not. She actually divorced her husband and agreed to joint custody of her 2 small daughters for the 'luxury' of dating this old flame. Guess what happened? It didn't work out... Now, she's asked her ex-husband to consider getting back together and, guess what he said? She lost a beautiful home & family for a few good months of sex. Now, she has to live with her bad choices... Most likely, in her case, this was a mid-life crisis gone bad.

Don't make the wrong choices for a temporary solution to a problem. Seek out professional help if you think the marriage is worth salvaging. And, don't create bad 'Karma' by trying to destroy a new marriage that has just gotten started... that will come back and bite you. When you begin to think about this guy, tell yourself that this is a fantasy and not a reality and change the subject in your mind. Go exercise, journal, do something to distract these errational thoughts. Then, sit down with your husband and discuss a weekly date night.  That would be my suggestion, at least as a starting point...Chris