Money & Relationships/Ask the Expert

HI Blueorchid,

Thank you for your cautionary tale. I have been praying for guidance from God to make my decision with real knowing and not from fear (and the fear would include fear of being alone as well as fear of actually being with a real person). Part of me wants to be cautious (as I've been for the past 10 yrs). I have been dating off and on for so long now none of which worked out and I'm so battled-worn. All of the sudden starting in 2009 my love life picked up and it was totally foreign to me. I met him during this period of time.

At this point, I do plan on a long engagement. Get the ring as a token of his commitment and continue to learn about each other. I told him if the engagement doesn't work out, I'll return the ring. I do hope for a real answer from God. I know sometimes we get impatient and do things that are not good for us. I remembered coming close to buying a couple of times when I was looking for a house, each time, agonizing and praying to God to let me know if this is the "one" and even convinced myself that. However, there was an uneasy feeling in me and at the last minute pulled out.  The house I bought now, i made the decision in peace and while it's not a decision of spiritual proportion, feel I made the right one.  

I pray too that I will know. But for now I rely on advice and going over the problem with other people.

I think you need to look more closely at this man. A 57 year old attorney with no financial planning. Seems like more to it than what he has told you. Gambling, maybe? I don't know, but do be careful. And remember with the prenup, he is an attorney.

Welcome to our board, WhiteSatin. Where do you guys stand since your last post?

I would suggest that you need to take this very slow & easy and make sure that he's the right one for you. The fact that you're 15 years younger and are still on the working side of life, versus he's winding down toward retirement, could be an issue in the near future.

Are you prepared to care for him and ultimately help support him? Especially since he has no savings to help subsidize his retirement?

Also, the fact that he's had numerous marriages and yet you have never been married, I have to question his motivating factor? Does he possibly see you as a provider? And, do you truly believe that he's willing to have another small baby in the house at his age? Has he said so? Most people in their late 50's are getting close to having grandchildren, not children..

It's not to say that it won't work, but there are numerous red flags. So, bottom line, don't rush it. Getting engaged after 4.5 months seems awful soon. You've waited your entire life for the 'right one'...are you sure that he is this person?

Only you can answer this, but please take your time, get to know him, evaluate his former mistakes (marriages/finances/etc.) and the ask yourself, was he worth waiting for? Also, if he's getting an inheritance, do you see signs that he will be able to invest this money for retirement instead of spending it frivously?... Please keep us posted on your progress and evaluation . Chris