Money & Relationships/Ask the Expert

I have known this guy since I have been in the 4th grade and even then I had a huge crush on him we always seem to have instant chemistry but I dont know if Im mistaken a real connection for lust or casual sex. Now the reason I bring that up is because growing up and us being from the same area I have slept with him in the past I would say we slept together more than once when we were 18 or 19 then again in my early twenties when we would sleep together but thats just it thats all we did..... it was very intense and we seem to really be attracted to one another ...buts thats all we did. Now several years has gone by and obviously we both moved on and I havent seen him in years, but over the years for some strange reason he still manages to cross my mind. Im not sure if its because of the history we have or something else.

So this past saturday I saw him at a party this is probably after 5 years or more of seeing him and the attraction was still there I mean I am a different person from the past but we still seem to be really attracted to eachother and I still feel a connection (he even said I should have married you we were drinking tho). Now this is really out of the ordinary for me because in growing up I have learned to be really guarded (thats a totally different topic) and I never date or sleep with anyone from the past.

While very confusing for me I would love someones advice on the situation. :)

Hi there,

For any two people who have chemistry with each other, it's always lust and infatuation in the beginning. By saying "connection," I wonder if you mean could you have a lasting relationship with this person. That would depend on what the both of you want at this moment in your lives. In the past, it sounds like you were just having fun and didn't want a boyfriend/girlfriend permanent relationship.

Do you now want a long lasting relationship with someone? If so, he sounds like someone who you may want to take a risk with. Just because you don't revisit your past with others you've dated (which are probably men who weren't compatible with your needs, and your relationship took it's course), doesn't mean you couldn't try this guy out again, as you only had good times wih him, and nothing negative happened.

If so, have a discussion with him and tell him what type of relationship you're interested in persuing with him, and see if he's on the same page as you. Most people regret the road not taken, and even if the risk doesn't work out, they are always glad they tried anyway. 

Thanks for stopping by, Nicole. You didn't say but I'm hoping that the two of you are both single? If so, there's nothing wrong with reconnecting and seeing if perhaps the relationship can now go to a new level since both of you have matured.

However, if one of you is married, then try to avoid reconnecting for a possible infactuation that might not do anything other than destroy other people's lives..

Are you both single? If so, what's you next step to meet him for coffee or dinner or? Chris

Hey,

It can be hard to figure out where a guy's head is atsince they separate their feelings so well. Check out this article about deciding if your man really likes you or not. Its a great piece. http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-28012-NY-Relationship-Angst-Examiner~y2009m11d2-Is-your-man-shy-or-just-not-interested

check it out, Its informative. good luck!