Money & Relationships/Ask the Expert

I don't even know where to start...here goes...I'm 26 years old, I've been in a relationship with someone for 5 years and we have two daughters together. The current relationship has seen much turmoil and dishonesty but we work things out for the benefit of our children.

In high school, I dated a boy for 3 years and we broke up abruptly in 2001. I never fully got over it but since then have had 3 serious relationships including the current one. The two exboyfriends since then are currently good friends and I feel no need to rekindle with them.

A year after my first daughter was born, we moved back to my hometown where my high school love still resides. Three years ago, I cheated on my boyfriend with him. It didnt happen again until the summer of 2008 and since then I see my high school love almost weekly. He says he does not to be with me and is aware of my situation and is not interested. I am still inlove with him and allow him to treat my unfairly because I so desperatly want to be with him.

I'm living two different lives. During the day, I care for my boyfriend, our house and our children. One to two times a week I go out for drinks at night and almost always leave with my high school sweetheart.

I'd like to hear non-partial opinions of what is my issue? Suggestions? Tips? Thoughts? HELP! I am completely torn between what I know is wrong and right and feel my heart break everytime my high school love tells me to leave him alone. Does his actions speak louder than his words? Am I delussional?

"Does his actions speak louder than his words?"

What actions?  He's having sex with you, sure... but he's telling you he's not interested in anything but sex and for you to leave him alone.  Do you want a neon sign saying, "get lost!"? 

Leave him alone and fix your family.  Your daughters will be devastated if they find out about your affair.  If you're no longer happy in the relationship you're in, then FIX IT OR LEAVE IT, but do not take the coward's way out and cheat. 

Glownawna,

Welcome to our board. You can't be in two different relationships and give either of them your undivided attention. Apparently, there's something that you're getting from the old flame that you're not getting with the new one? Bottom line, the old flame has made it clear that he's not interested in anything more than sex. So...what does he have to offer you and, is he worth losing the other relationship for? Only you can answer that question..Chris

I agree with everything you said. He actually didn't say he was only interested in sex but the bottom line is that its the basis of our semi-non existent relationship. I'm not the kind of person to have sex for a one night stand, I feel like there has to be emotion behind it but the person I knew 9 years ago obvioulsy feels differently than this tool bag that takes so lightly my family and my feelings.

I know what I have to do, I'm so glad I got to hear the brutle truth from somebody other than my friends. I'm leaving my current boyfriend so that we may seek conseling sepearately and then together so we can work out our issues now and have a better chance of lasting in the long term.

"...but the person I knew 9 years ago obvioulsy feels differently than this tool bag that takes so lightly my family and my feelings. "

Why should he care about your family or your feelings?  He's getting his rocks off, not looking for a relationship.

"I'm leaving my current boyfriend so that we may seek conseling sepearately and then together so we can work out our issues now and have a better chance of lasting in the long term."

Work on YOU first, before you worry about couseling with your current boyfriend.  Figure out what's going on with you and fix it so you're not going around and around in negative situations.  You have two little girls that NEED a stable mother, not one that goes back and forth with their dad or some lost love. 

You're stronger than you're giving yourself credit for, take this time for YOU and you'll find it.