Debt Support Group

I CALL MYSELF THE ABUNDANCE OF WEALTH TO STAY AS HOPEFUL AS I CAN BE ABOUT MY SITUATION. MY FAMILY IS IN OVER 50,000 DEBT. WE ARE ON FOOD STAMPS AND MEDICAID. MY HUSBAND IS A POT SMOKER AND SELF EMPLOYED. FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS WE HAVE ONLY PAID BILLS AND NOT MADE ANY MONEY, JUST DEEPER INTO DEBT. MY HUSBANDS MOTHER IS NO HELP AT ALL TO HER SON, AS SHE PAYS OUR MORTGAGE, TAXES, OUR KIDS PRESCHOOL.

MY HUSBAND GOES TO BED LATE AND WAKES UP LATE 10-11AM. HE HAS IN OWN SCHEDULE WHICH IS BASICALLY GOING DOOR TO DOOR, AND OR PASSING OUT FLIERS FOR OUR MAILBOX BUSINESS. HE IS A GOOD MAN AND FATHER. EXCEPT FOR THE FACT HE DOES NOT WANT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND GET A SECOND JOB. HE IS NOT A SECURE MAN WHEN IT COMES TO HIS WRITING, BECAUSE HE THINKS HE CAN NOT SPELL CORRECTLY. HE DID NOT GO TO COLLEGE BUT TOOK SOME COURSES SO HE COULD RUN HIS OWN BUSINESS. HE IS HANDY GUY EVEN THOUGH HE SAYS HE IS NOT.

WE ONLY HAVE ONE CAR FOR THE TWO KIDS TO SIT IN. MY HUSBAND HAS A WORK VAN. I AM A STAY AT MOM. I AM NOT PERFECT BECAUSE I SPEND CARELESSLY, AND DO NOT HELP WITH THE DEBT, HOWEVER A GREAT PORTION IS OUR WORK EXPENSES, FOOD, ETC.

I WANT TO TELL MY HUSBAND TO GO BE A BARTENDER. HE COULD WORK NIGHTS AND GET UP LATER IN THE MORNING. IT WOULD BE PERFECT. HE DOES NOT WANT TO SETTLE FOR MINIMUM WAGE AND AS A BARTENDER HE WOULD GET TIPS. HE IS A BIT SHY BUT AT THE SAME TIME VERY FRIENDLY AND A GREAT LISTENER. THIS MAY OR NOT BE THE BEST IDEA, BUT I AM NOT SURE WHAT ELSE TO DO. HE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO HE WAS NOT READY TO DECLARE BANKRUPTCY YET, BUT WE ARE NOT EVEN IN BIGGER DEBT. MY GRANDPARENTS PAID OF A $30,000 CREDIT CARD AND HIS MOM PAID OF A $25,000 ONE AND WE ARE STILL IN 50,000 OR MORE WORTH OF DEBT, WITH NO REAL INCOME COMING IN EVERY WEEK. MY HUSBAND IS EXTREMELY STUBBORN AND REFUSES TO GET A SECOND JOB. IF I SUGGEST THINGS OR SAY ANYTHING HE JUST GETS UPSET AND IT STARTS A HUGE FIGHT. IT IS NOT WORTH IT TO ME TO GO THERE. I NEED WAYS TO APPROACH THE BARTENDER IDEA OR SOMETHING THAT MAY WORK. I AM LOOKING FOR A WEEKEND JOB TO HELP OUT WITH SOMETHING. HELPPPPPPP!!!!

Hugs. Your situation sounds very stressful.

Is there any way YOU can become a bartender? If your husband is up late and home in the morning hours (if he isn't getting up until 10 a.m. he's home) then there is opportunity for you to go out and make some changes.

You cannot make another person change. I know you came here for support and please don't take this the wrong way but your husband sounds like he needs to grow up. Your husband is doing illegal drugs. You have young children around. The two are not a smart combination.

If you aren't paying your mortgage, etc. then what income DO you have to work with? What are your long term goals? These are things you need to sit down and discuss with your husband. You two are a team and need to make these decisions together. (you don't have to answer my questions here obviously - just wanted to give you something to think about.)

Best of luck to you.

Chiming in to second Beeps very good advice, and to ask if you have looked into what your own options are as far as working outside the home in the evenings.  If the bartender idea doesn't sound ideal, perhaps there might be something else you could do - in retail (inventory), etc.   This might be a good complement to your husband's work during the day, and might turn into a good way for you to bolster your own confidence.

Have you thought about where you could help fill in the gaps?