Ladies, I need your take on this situation. I'm finding it kind of upsetting but I'm also thinking that if I were an impartial observer it might seem different and that's where you come in.
You all know that my brother is quite ill and will continue to deteriorate until he can get a liver transplant. I have an older brother who lives about 1000 miles away with whom I am not close but we do have occasional contact through email or phone, and more recently as "friends" on Facebook. I couldn't say how "close" my brothers are but I don't think they talk very often.
Sick brother(SB) was recently hospitalized for a few days and my SIL asked me to contact other brother(OB) to give him an update. She mentioned that several weeks ago OB had said that he wanted to see SB before he was "in really bad shape" but hadn't followed up. I told SIL that I would handle it. I emailed OB and basically told him that SB is already in bad shape and will only get worse, so he should come sooner rather than later.
Here's the part that has me mad: OB makes arrangements to come south next weekend, fine. He will arrive by plane at 1pm and is attending a late afternoon/evening sporting event that is about an hour' drive from SB's home. So he will probably spend an hour or two with SB then take off until late that night, return to sleep at SB's home and has to be back at the airport by 10am the next morning. Maybe he will get a short visit if SB is awake when OB returns at night, and/or maybe a bit in the morning.
The part of me that's trying to be reasonable says that maybe short visits are all that SB will be up to, or all that OB can handle (the last time he saw SB was 4 yrs ago I believe, when he was healthy) since it will be shocking to see the deterioration. Or that people routinely schedule multiple activities into a trip (but not into a 21-hour trip!)
The other part thinks that this is totally disrespectful, to SB and to me. SB is not so out of it that he won't notice that OB is spending more time at the sporting event than with him. I realize that seeing me was not the point of the trip but in the interest of family one generally tries to plan so that the family can get together for at least a while. Its a 1.5-2 hr drive each way for us. I don't want to spend 3-4 hrs driving to see him for 1 hour. Am I equally selfish? BTW I don't think that this was the only weekend that OB could have come down; so it could have been planned with a few weeks notice to be convenient for everybody. From some things OB said I think he purposely chose this weekend so that he *could* attend the sporting event. Doing stuff like this is totally in character for OB so I'm not surprised, but I am disappointed and kind of angry.
I guess I'm also upset *for* OB as its possible that this will be the last time he sees SB. Doesn't he want to make the most of his time with his brother? SB might not pull out of one of these episodes that send him to the hospital or they might not find a donor organ for him.
After hearing this story would you feel like I do, or am I taking it too personally, or being unrealistic somehow? Tell me the truth!
