Anxiety and Panic Disorders

hi guys. I'm new here and I need help. I know this isn't even the right board but I didn't see a more approrpriate board. I  think I'm bipolar or something similar. I have mood swings so bad that I'm convinced my fiance is going to leave me over it.

I feel like we're reinacting his last marriage. He moved his last wife from NY and her son ... they immediately moved into his parents house until they could buy their own house and together planned the "perfect" wedding.  Gazebo, in  a rose garden, big white dress blah blah blah

Well here I am, now he's moved me and my children into his parents house "until we can get our own house".  He wants to plan the wedding and go from there. I just hate that I feel like we're redoing everything that was already done. Ifeel like nothing is special because he's already done it.  Because his divorce isn't finalized i can't just "get married". 

I can't help but dwell. I"ll be happy and looking at wedding dresses and ask what his ex's dress looked like. He'll say he doesn't remember just that it was "white".  YEAH RIGHT. Well that immediately  triggered my pendulum.  I was in a bad mood and didn't care if we ever got married after that.  I took the phone off the hook so he couldn't call, blocked him on all of the internet messengers, and shut my email so Ididn't have to read any of that. When he did finally call and ask what the heck the problem was.. I said.. "nothing".  I really honestly truly don't know what the problem was. I just dont feel special.  Not because he doesn't make me feel that way I guess because I don't allow myself to feel that way.

This is just an example. But I feel like I'm always riding on a pendulum. It's horrible and it's mentally exhausting. I don't know what to do, where to go or where to start. I don't want to go to a shrink because i'm sure i'd spend the whole time crying. Am I odd? (be nice, lol) Have you done this? known anyone like this? What does it sound like?

Sorry for venting! But thanks for listening and not flaming me!

Missy

First, I would make an appt with a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis. You will get a lot of help with medication or talking with a psychologist...or both. I think once you are on the road to finding out what is making you feel wrong, you will start to feel right when you understand how to cope with all the ups and downs.

Good luck and please let us know how you are doing and what you plan to do.