^v^ Anger Management? ^v^

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v_angelyca_v

last visit to this board
12/21/2004

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discussion title:

^v^ Anger Management? ^v^

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1069.1

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v_angelyca_v

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12/21/2004 8:49 pm

Well, I'm not too good at this. My mom thinks it would be better if I discussed my feelings with others, and I choose to do that with people I don't know. In fact, I'm not even sure if any of you could help me. I don't think anyone can. There is no help for people like me. Anyways, my name is Brandi. I am 20 years old. I hope that none of you get a laugh out of what I am going to write, although it should keep your interest.
I was never a greatful kid, looking back on my life. I always fought with everyone, everything, who got into my way. I am a victim of cutting. Stupid disease that my mom thinks talking to a counselor will cure. I've punched my share of inanimate objects, lost many friends and boyfriends. I drank my way through college, not caring who I hurt in doing so. I dwell on my past, all the wrong doings I have done. Of all the people that I fear are coming after me. There was a point where I wouldn't go out of the house without checking behind me to see whether or not a past boyfriends new girlfriend was behind me. I have been tormented by disturbing phone calls from people I don't know. Rumors spread around about me. And all of this after I got out of high school. Funny, I thought it was just a school kid thing. Don't get me wrong, I live in a happy home. My mother and father are very loving to me. I just am not like them. My mom got diagnosed with cancer when I was 13, and it only sparked up some of my rage. I think that's when I started to hate everyone. She is fine now, nothing to worry about. Doing very good. But it was then that certain prayers went answered and some did not. Now it seems like all my prayers go unheard and I feel as if there is nothing in my life I can control. Sure, I will always believe in God. For he is probably the only person I have, besides my family, that I can talk to. And someday, he might just help me. But for now...I finally moved out, and I live with my fiancee. We get into fights constantly, and I know he will soon leave me too. I do not want to fight, but I do. I always start it too. He drinks sometimes, and when he comes home...I get so frustrated that I start a fight. Now these fights always end up with physical contact. Just the other night, he came home drunk. He finished up his beer and said he was going to head out for another one. I stood in front of the door to stop him. When he came near me, I pushed him away. The fight escalated so much that I have bruises, along with him. But it's because I do not know when to stop. I just can't. I've tried talking to him, but nothing has come of it. He did stop drinking for the past few days. But I can only think of when it will happen again. That night, he went to my mom's house to tell her what happened. I was called to come over there as well. So, I went. My mom, him and I all had a discussion on how my anger had to be taken into control. She gave me the number of a doctor I was to call...but I am asking you all, do you think anyone can help me? I don't think so. I would feel bad sitting in a room and yelling at someone. Don't think that I yell at people and not feel sorry for yelling at them, because that's not the case. But...maybe it's easier for me to tell everyone my problems online. That way they don't have to hear me scream offline. Gah, I don't know. I'm just going to post this now.

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carolfromoz

last visit to this board
1/2/2005

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discussion title:

^v^ Anger Management? ^v^

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1069.2 in response to 1069.1

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carolfromoz

to:

v_angelyca_v

date:

12/29/2004 12:23 pm

This will probably be my last post here before this board is finished - don't feel bad that no-one responded to you until now - this board has been dead for a long time.

I just want to say - who are you to know the future? And why are you such an expert on what can and can't be done? Call the doctor for goodness sakes! And if s/he doesn't help then look for one who does!

I won't go into my long struggles but I've had plenty of problems and if you're particularly interesteded they're well documented on this board going back a couple of years. But I've been seeing a cognitive behaviour therapist for 6 months now and it's doing the world of good. CBT is a proven therapy for personality disorders of all types - it's hard work but you can retrain the way you think. I have no personal experience with drugs for this type of thing, but have been reliably informed that the *correct* drugs can help enormously if used for a limited time, and if combined with CBT.

So call that doctor. Get to it. You're young, your whole life is ahead of you. Don't give up now!

Carol

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