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loramz  Member Icon
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What do you think?

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  21354.1
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  loramz  Member Icon
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  Oct-2 3:28 pm

So here's something I've been working for the last little bit, using an analogy to talk about the stress of scheduling and beauty of following cues (not cries, but cues). :)

Let me know how I can strengthen it. I've got a fairly thick hide, so....

When I was in college, I had one of the best jobs ever! I was the public relations coordinator for campus ministries. This meant that I was in charge of Project Impact, the campus-wide volunteer day with 80% participation rates. I also handled various conferences and the concerts that our college put on. It was a dream job for me.

I couldn’t wait to get into work every day. It was so exciting to talk with people and take care of events and make sure that needs were met. I had certain times I was supposed to be in the office, but I just showed up at those times and other times too, because it was so much fun. The job wasn’t my life, but it went with me wherever I was. It was the ideal job for everyone, but it was for me. I worked with the ebb and flow of the office, which left me not stressed too often. And I got paid for doing what I loved.
There was a routine to follow, and things that needed to get done. I had to be quite organized and motivated to get things done, but I didn’t care; I loved it, so everything got done.

Sometimes I would just pop in the office for a few minutes between classes, just to help out and recharge myself. Other days, I was there more often, talking with people and typing and organizing. Now, don’t get me wrong; not every day or every task was a fun one. I had a fairly steep learning curve—as in, I talked about it with the boss one day and the next week I was helping plan the volunteer day. There were days when I just wanted to be home, drinking a hot chocolate and reading a good book. But overall, it was a wonderful experience.

The job I had right after college was NOT like that. I had set hours I had to be there and people who were critical of everything I did. It was a lot of fun to plan conferences and manage the volunteers that came in once a week. I enjoyed my coworkers, but did not like coming in. I would fantasize about being sick so that I didn’t have to go into work. But still, I needed the money and the insurance, so I kept going to work until one day, another opportunity came along. I moved away so quickly from that job, there are probably still skid marks in the parking lot!
What was the difference? With one, I could work with the ebb and flow of the office, doing what I loved. With the other, I had a set schedule that I had to keep to, without a lot of variance. I could come in a few minutes early or leave a few minutes early, but I couldn't do that often, or I would be asked to get back on the schedule.

To me, it’s similar to scheduling and babies. When I work with the ebb and flow of life, meeting needs as they arose. I knew that there were particular things that needed to be done, but I wasn’t worried about taking X amount of time to get it done. I wasn’t pressured by someone else’s schedule to do things. But they got done and I didn’t get stressed out—most days. :)

But my second job, I had to work with a schedule that I hadn’t planned out, one that was thought out by the powers that be and arbitrarily imposed. I wasn’t as free to meet needs that arose, because I had to get things done on schedule. In fact, I was more stressed out by my scheduled job, than by the job that I had no clue what was going to happen that day.

Loral

 

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  21354.2 in response to 21354.1
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  loramz  Member Icon
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  Oct-2 6:30 pm

Are you trying to get published? I think you have a good start. My constructive criticisms are:

You use the first person "I" a lot -- 50x. You use "I was" 11x. The entire piece is written in past tense. I think you need to reduce your use of I and replace it with more anectodes -- don't tell your story, paint the picture. Talking about your job = boring. Telling a funny story that illustrates how it was the best job ever = interesting. Instead of saying how critical the people were, tell a shocking story about how you were treated. (avoid using "I" too much, even if it's a story about you.) Also, use more dynamic, powerful verbs. Restructure it so you're not writing in past tense.

I hope that helps! Good luck in your writing.

 

 

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jgteach  Member Icon
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  21354.3 in response to 21354.2
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  jgteach  Member Icon
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  Oct-3 8:57 pm

typo:
>>It was the ideal job for everyone, but it was for me.<<

I think you want to say "It WASN'T ideal..."

I really like it! I like the analogy that almost anyone could relate to. I might emphasize more of the schedule being on your terms for the first job and on someone else's schedule for the second job.

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  cmwendyw  Member Icon
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  loramz  Member Icon
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  Oct-5 8:41 am

Hi Loral,

I love how you've compared raising a baby to the unplanned schedule of your job but I'm sort of missing what you're comparing the scheduled job to. I know you're trying to compare it to keeping a baby on a schedule but I guess I'm looking for examples on both sides - maybe you have a relative or friend who keeps to a schedule?

Otherwise, I think it's great!

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