Attachment Parenting

I am hoping there are still a few moms on here with older kids because I don't know who else to turn to right now.  I am having MAJOR sleep issues with my 3 year old.  She has always been difficult to get to sleep, and since getting rid of her soother about 6 weeks ago it has gotten worse by the week.  Anything I use to do to comfort her (like hold her hand, sing, etc) does nothing.  She either spends hours in bed talking and babbling and getting hyper or she will get overtired and be freaking out, kicking me, kicking the walls, crying, full out tantrums.  She has moved back into our room again for the most part (which is the least of my worries).  She seems to not know how to soothe herself and she almost seems to need time alone but refuses to take it.  Our bedtimes are taking up to 2-3 hours every night.  I am exhausted and frustrated and don't have a clue what to do next.  We have done everything that we can think of and most of what people have suggested to us (that seems reasonable and not horriblely mean).  My DH is now on afternoons and I am alone with her and I can't do it.  If anyone has any suggestions, or resource suggestions I would really appreciate them. 

I was hoping to start TTC next week but no idea how I can manage a pregnancy or a baby while this is happening.  I don't know who else to talk to.  My real life friends mostly think its my fault for co-sleeping or don't think I am strict enough and that I should just be able to make her do this. 

I hope this doesn't sound to pitiful I am just so upset and at the end of my rope tonight.  Thanks in advance. Jackie

Thank you Jeska for my beautiful new signature!

 

Thank you for your response.  It always make me feel a bit better to know someone is listening (reading).  I am not 100% sure that my message made much sense last night, I was overtired and very very frustrated.  You may be on to something on trying more exercise closer to bedtime.  Most people say not to.  I have tried so many things, bath, no bath, music, no tv, tv, certains foods, and on and on and on.  I think its just a big power struggle and possibley a bit of her not being able to turn off her mind and relax, or refusing to.  I just wish she was back to her normal cuddly self (which she still is usually during the day!)

Thanks for the hugs and thoughts.

Thank you Jeska for my beautiful new signature!

 

It takes three weeks to make or break a habit.  It sounds like in the last six weeks you've tried many things.  Even some adults don't like it when things get changed around after only a week or so and get stressed out wondering what's going to happen next.  The best routine I've heard is quiet activity the 30 minutes before the routine starts, followed by some sort of tub time, snack of a light carb and protein (we do a small piece of bread and a bit of cheese, used to be a couple of crackers), teeth, story time and some cuddle time.  We also decided to have a humidifier to provide some white noise to drown out noises from the back alley and/or the TV.  We didn't take away DS's small baby bottle of water at night time, we transitioned him from it to a small cup of water on his bedtable.  He didn't like the dark so we had a night light in his room. 

These days bedtime is a time of peace, serenity and confidence.  DS knows what to expect, how things will go and even knows around what time it will happen.   Now that he's 7, tub time can be skipped.  He knows when we are camping it's not going to happen but he does like the snack, teeth, story and cuddle time.  Thankfully both blankey and travel blankey are made of durable fabric.  I know other kids who have a favourite stuffed animal that has to be in their arms for bedtime.

Jackie,

Hang in there! I've done the rough bedtime thing myself, more times than I can say. Now Dominic is so easy to put to bed! We have a pretty regular routine of get in pjs, wind down with some tv time (with the living room lights dimmed), story time and bed. Dominic and Samantha both have nightlights although Dominic needs his more I think. Samantha has a cup of water and always needs company in her bed although the identity of the stuffed animal seems to change all the time. They also both like white noise machines.

When Dominic would throw a fit I would just keep reading and try to keep my tone exactly the same. I wouldn't respond to the fit and would just keep with the story. If I did say anything it was "It's bedtime, you need to settle down."

With Samantha, that didn't work. I had to leave her room whenever she would throw the fit. I told her that when she calmed down I would come back in. That took a good three weeks probably. It was rough! Eventually though she was quiet, knowing that if she threw a fit I was going to leave the room. Now she actually likes her bed.

With both of them, once they stopped throwing the tantrum they actually fell asleep fairly quickly.

The other thing you should make sure of is that you're using the right bedtime. If I try to put the kids to sleep before they're ready it's a nightmare. For us 8:30 is the right time although sometimes with Samantha it might be 9pm before she's out.

As usual, consistancy is key so once you find a good routine keep doing it. Hang in there and good luck!