Autism Spectrum Disorders

Are any of you out there dealing with neighbors who just don't get your child?

My personal story: two neighbors who don't get autism. One told another child to not play with my son because he 'pushes buttons,' and another mom comes to tell me every time her son says my son did something. The first, eh, I talked to her and the kids aren't to play together anymore, as much for my son's enjoyment as my son's protection from the mom. The second? Her son is younger, makes up stories that I've seen firsthand, doesn't tell her what he does to mine, and she's constantly correcting my son or coming to report his behaviors...and both know he has autism.

SO frustrating and tiring. I have to tell him 'stay away from here' and 'don't go there,' yet he was raised in this neighborhood and it's not that big. His room for roaming is vastly shrinking, and I supervise him as it is, whereas the other moms don't. I don't want neighbors mad at us (and one in particular scares me a bit, long history of things at that home) but I also don't want to have to keep answering the door to this woman complaining about things that may or may not have even happened.

Ideas? Anyone have this happen to you? How are our kids supposed to learn if they are micro-managed everywhere they go?

Lily

The child that I work with does not play with his neighbors. There are not many children where he lives. He goes to an after school program that is designed for children with Autisim and he loves it. I would not let your son play with this neighbor it seems they don't understand that children with Autism play in a different ways and do things differently. To avoid gossip and problems I suggest you find an after school program that works with your childs needs or invite another child into your home that understands your child. Sometimes when I walk down the street people tend to stare at my boy. He has a habit of flapping books around. One time a page fell off and a man came up to me and told me I should pick up after him because he was littering. Another woman told me I should keep him quiet because he was making to much noise in a restaurant. To all these people I explain to them that the child is Autistic and they totally understand. You need to find caring and understanding people and I hope you find them.

Take care Lee

I live in a good sized neighborhood, but there are very few children close to my son's age. EXCEPT... our direct neighbors. They have two children ages 7 and almost 5. You would think they would be perfect playmates for my son, age 8. But they are not. They rarely play together. I have made several comments to the Mom (whom I consider a friend), that we need to get our boys together for a play date... but there is always an excuse. So I have decided that she must think Autism is contagious. I really don't have any other explanation. My son has NO behaviors that might explain why she would be hesitant. But usually when she is around my son is very quiet and shy, so maybe she thought he was more non-verbal. She has been to my house a couple times this summer (without her kids), and has commented about being surprised at how much my son is talking... like it was something he just started.

Oh well. I have decided she is one of those Moms who is just too into herself to remember little details such as what is going on with my son... Even though we have been neighbors for 7 years and I have been open and talked about my son all along! But I have given up on the idea of our boys ever being "friends" for now.

Jean (and Jacob, age 8)

Your neighbor sounds a lot like mine! ;)  Her kids are available to play outside with mine, if they can use my son's toys. Or, they can come inside if they can play with his electronic items. But, they can't use their toys nor is he invited in their house. We've lived here 8 years. Granted, I don't see her have any kids in her house, but I finally had to say "Sorry, guys, can't come in today. He can play at your house though, since it's fair to take turns." Now they don't even try to come in anymore.

We have three neighbors that are problems. We live in an affluent neighborhood with self-centered people. Not saying I'm in the wrong neighborhood, I tend to be self-centered at times too, but I can't bring myself to do it to kids. I'm not the perfect neighbor but I try to be fair and let kids be kids. The other moms? If poor Billy trips on a rock that my son's bike may have spit into the street the day before, they are at my door. If my son's with a child who does something wrong, they are at my door. The children who actually do the things? "Oh, I didn't say they were perfect, but...." There is no understanding, there's "Oh, yeah, I get autism, but...." I even had my son apologize once, to show good faith, and that wasn't even good enough since he didn't stand there to hear the child's response. You can't win sometimes, others' ignorance can't be beaten no matter what you do. Sad fact and one we're trying to learn to live with. Darned if you tell them your child has autism, and darned if you don't! ;)

Lily