Argh, isn't that so completely frustrating?
I think the older kids get, the more evident problems often become, as they start to stand out more and more from their peers. That said, it's hard to keep waiting because precious time can be lost from when you can be getting them help.
I'd continue to work with the behaviorist at school, and ask what help they can give you for her being at-risk. Tests at this age aren't definitive anyway, so it's in their best interest to give her help now to prevent more being needed later on.
Has that behaviorist done a full assessment? Sometimes they are double-edged swords -- if they find something, you can get help and the school will listen to their own providers, but if they don't find something, then you're battling for them to believe you. It's sad when we have to hope their behaviors become evident and disruptive, but sometimes it's what it takes!
Wish I had good words of advice, but I'd continue to document everything. What she does at school, at home, and if need be, video it or take pictures. (I video'd my son at a very young age mid-tantrum, raking his face with his stubby nails and it was a 'wow' moment for one of our therapists.) Don't let up on them if there are worries, and become her teacher's friend so she talks to you more often and sees you as an ally.
Good luck to you...
Lily
