discussion title:
Really need advice, sensitive issue
message #:
5433.3 in response to 5433.1
As much as it's against my bashful nature, I act like talking about genitals is as normal as talking about your big toe. It has helped my children feel wonderfully comfortable in coming to me with any questions they may have. My almost 8 year old son has come to me with questions about erections, though he didn't call it that, and why if he rubs his penis it gets "hard and pointy". I keep a straight face and explain what's happening to his body.
I think it's normal for your daughter to want to know what she looks like and how things work and to realize that some areas when touched feel pleasurable. I also think it's extremely important to talk about what is appropriate touch from others and what's not. Have that talk *often* and make sure she knows that if someone has touched her inappropriately or if someone makes her feel uncomfortable in any way, that she is to come tell you.
Ask your daughter if she has any questions about her body. Ask leading questions like, "do you ever wonder where your pee or poop comes from?" "do you ever wonder what your vagina is for?" My kids (4,6, 8) all understand that the vagina is the tunnel that a baby is pushed out of. They all know the correct terms for each body part on a male and female. My older children understand the changes that a girl's and boy's body goes through as they turn into men and women. We have many conversations about our body and how it works--not just private parts either.
Lastly, you need to have a talk with your daughter about what is appropriate to do in front of others and what is not. Explain that the areas that we keep hidden by clothes and are private are fine to touch themselves, but because they are private, they need to touch them in private, like their bedrooms. If she wants to see what she looks like "down there", give her a hand held mirror and show her how to squat over it so she can see what she looks like.
Keep talking to her in casual conversations and you'll find it will get easier and easier. You should never scold her when you find her touching herself in public. That would only make her associate her privates and/or touching them as "bad" and you don't want to do encourage those feelings. Instead, calmly remind her that she needs to go to her room and escort her there if need be. She'll learn that it's not much fun being in seclusion and will find that there are alot of other interesting things to do with the rest of the family.
Kathy
