Circumcision Debate

Welcome to the board, and congrats on your pregnancy! I'm sorry you're struggling with an argument at a time when you both should be rejoicing in the miracle you made together.

I live in North Dakota - another state with a high circumcision rate (as far as I know). My twin sons are 15 years old, in high school gym, and formerly on the track team. They have no idea of their best friends or anyone else in their class is circumcised or not, because they don't look. They have never had anyone comment on the state of their penises, because they don't show them off (even to each other - they are very modest). So in our household at least, "locker room teasing" is a complete non-issue.

Our boys HAVE been teased, however, for being tall, for having acne, for being clumsy (while they were groweing like weeds), and for being identical twins. We never considered surgery to "fix" any of those issues; instead, we taught them from an early age to be proud of who they are, and how to deal with bullies and teasing. Kids are much more likely to be teased about something that others can see - big ears, glasses, freckles, you name it - and a child who learns how to deal with other types of teasing could certainly deal with penis teasing - IF it ever happened. In the case of my kids, IF anyone ever made a comment, they would simply say "Why are you looking at my equipment?"

At the same time, they have been VERY glad that they still have their foreskin, since the day they learned about circumcision, when they were 8 years old. They were appalled and disappointed when my brother and his wife had their baby circumcised, and recently one of my sons told me he would never marry anyone that would consider cricumcising a baby. Because my kids grew up thinking that a foreskin is a normal, natural body part - just like their fingers, lips, and toenails - they don't feel that having a foreskin is weird, any more than the rest of us think it's weird to have lips.

I do hope you can convince your fiance. The point is that it is not about HIM, but about the baby, and unless he can come up with a valid MEDICAL reason to perform siurgery on a normal, healthy newborn, he is going to have to resign himself to the idea of having a son with a foreskin. It's irrational to start cutting off healthy body parts "just because", or to appease some mythical bully of the future.

Good luck!

Ann

I was going to give you a reply but Ann said everything I was going to say so much better.

As Ann said, think of other body features that are commonly teased on kids and ask your fiance if he would ever consider surgery on a newborn for those features.  As him if you would even be having a circumcision discussion if you were expecting a girl.  When he says "of course not" ask him why.  The point is to try to get him to think outside the box and really examine his feelings on just why he wants his son circumcised.  The locker room reason is not good enough because it would fail horribly with any other body part or if talking about girls.

My husband and I weren't married when our son was born over 10 months ago. Luckily, we both agreed on keeping our son intact, but when it came down to it, the hospital didn't even ask his opinion. The nurse came to my room and said "We're going to take your son to be circumcised now so you just have to sign this consent form." I said "No, he's not going to be circumcised. Thanks." She was surprised, for sure, as we live in central Kansas, but that was it. No questions asked and nobody considered my (now) husband's opinion. Ultimately, you are his mother and since you are not married, no one else gets a legal say over him. At least, not in the hospital. I had to sign a paper saying that my DH was DS's father and that I wanted him to be considered his father in a legal sense. And DH had to sign as well. But even with that, the decision was still mine.

With all of that said, I would still tell your son's nurse that he is not to be circumcised. When I was first being admitted to the hospital, the pediatric nurse who would be in charge of my son once he was born introduced herself to me. Try to find out who your son's nurse will be and make your wishes known with her.