High-Needs Infants and Toddlers

We have a 5 1/2 month old who fits all the Dr. Sears qualities.  We are just now struggling with our marriage at home.  I was wondering if any other the high needs parents have any suggestions what worked for them to keep their sanity and marriage strong?  We spend all our time, patience, and focus on her it's starting to take a toll on us.  We do have a support system, both our mom's live in the area and will come over once a week, but no other family is in town. I have activities which i enjoy and try to get out at least for an hour or two a week, but my wife is a home body and it's hard to get her out of the house.  Any other ideas would greatly be appreciated. 

Also our LO has several vices to get her to sleep - swaddle, in a bounce chair, vibrator, ocean music and we have to cover her bounce chair with a blanket to close off the world or she will just stay awake.  She goes to bed at 9pm and gets up around 230am then 5am.  When she is awake we have to entertain her at all times. She stays awake for 1 1/2 hours then sleeps for 45 mins and we get to start all over again.  She will have some serious melt downs for tummy time, can't get anything to work - not sure how this is going to effect her walking time frame?  My wife is getting seriously worried about her well being since we have seen no light at the end of the tunnel....yet.  I would love to hear some feed back on some HN kids who are older in age and have got through this.

Hey there,

First of all, you should know that your situation is far from being the worst that's out there. My baby is over 6 months and he is up at least 4-5 times a night, and wakes for the day at 5am latest. Be grateful that you are able to get so much sleep!

Dealing with a high needs infant puts stress on every relationship in our lives, not just marriage. My advice is to try not to snap at each other and remember that you are in it together as a team. If both grandmas live so close by, why do they not help out more than an hour a week each? Does your wife stay at home with the baby? If so, she will need many breaks, even if they are at home by herself. She is incredibly lucky to have a husband who cares so much that he found this board and took the time to post about it.

From what I hear things will get better and easier. My baby is less fussy now that he can sit unassisted and play a little by himself. Also, I discovered Baby Einstein videos (World Animals & Neighborhood Animals).

Good luck!

Helen

HI, aclsc7!

Welcome to the board! Congrats on your wonderful family and I'm sorry that your situation is so difficult. Please know that you are not alone!

I always urge parents to get their high needs little one thoroughly checked out by a good pediatrician, making sure to talk about these difficult behaviors. There may be a resolvable medical reason for your LO's behaviors - ie, reflux can cause a lot of fussiness, esp. during tummy time. Also, the pedi can give you some strategies to cope with fussy babies.

It is a good idea for you and your wife to have some kind of date night - it doesn't have to be long, or expensive, just some time when the two of you can get away and chit chat and be normal married folks. You need some time together to get refreshed and keep your marriage strong, even if it is just an hour or two per week.

Feel free to ask questiions, post thoughts, ideas, whatever! We're just happy to have you!