Homeschooling

Hi all!

I am having problems with my 11 yr old daughter. (Sorry, this will be kind of long!)It started a couple of years ago really, when she was rezoned to a newly built school. Until then she enjoyed school and was enthusiatic about doing her work. When she moved tothe new school, she started complaining about how she didn't like the school, her old friends that moved with her were ignoring her and she was having problems making new friends. Her grades started slipping, and I had to have a lot of talks with her about getting in gear with her work, being open and friendly with new people, stuff like that.

About the same time, her biological dad started spending more time with her. He's not a great influence, and neither is her older half-brother. Her dad told me years ago that he didn't need a GED to get a "good" job, but his idea of a "good" job is being a minimun wage stockboy at Walmart. (He's 35, for cryin' out loud!) He'sone of those people that always acts like there is a little black rain cloud that follows him, when in all actuality he enjoys the attention that being Poor 'Ol Joe gets him. Unfortunately, I can't cut her off from seeing him without violating our divorce agreement, but I have to wonder if some of her attitude change about school came from his influence.

Last year, more of the same...she started out the school year ina better frame of mind, but before the holidays she was letting her grades slip again. More talks, followed with discussions of having her drop some of her "extra" activites if she was feeling overwhelmed. She said she would do better, and she did for a while. She pulled up a couple of low grades and seemed to be getting along better with her classmates.

Over the summer we found house in her old school district, as our family outgrew the house we had with the addition of a baby sister. She was excited about getting to go to school again with some of her old friends. We moved two weeks into the school year. Things were great again for a couple of weeks, but once again I find that she is having problems. She has beentelling  me she doesn't have homework, even though she has had homework in every other grade. She hasn't written anying her agenda, which they are suposed to do at the end of each day. She brought home signed papers on September 9th, which I signed and included a note to her teacher for her to call me. I had her sister the next day, so when I didn't get a call I  thought maybe she didn't want to disturb us. DD appeared to be doing okay in school, so I started thinking maybe she really didn't have homework. I snooped in her backpack a few times to check for notes, didn't find anything. Of course when I asked her about it, she claimed she didn't have any  notes.

We discussed dropping her out of gifted class at the end of summer, but decided  to keep her in long enough to see if she changed her mind after swapping schools, and she decided finally she did indeed want out. So I called her school a couple of days ago and spoke to her gifted teacher. Come to find out,she hasn't been doing ANY of her work in that  class and was about to be put on academic probation. This has eeb going on for weeks. I asked to see her backpack when she got home. (Keep in mind, I've been snooping in it already and haven't found anything.) Lo and behold, a report card from mid-Oct (I asked about before and she said she didn't have yet) appears, along with the signed paper folder with ALL the papers I saw in  September, including the ones the teacher was supposed to keep. She claims the teacher lost it and just gave it back to her, exactly as I last saw it. Waaaaay not cool. Her report card wasn't even that bad, 3 B's and a low A. She could do better, but nothing worth hiding IMO. So we had ANOTHER talk. Basically she says she isn't paying attention and forgot to give it to me.

My real concern  is, since she is and has been struggling to complete her work, pay attention in class, turn in papers, etc, why am I just now figuring it out? I called and left a message at the office for her teacher to call me and she hasn't. I called again and left another message, even though the office lady assured me that she gave her the last message already. My daughter told me the other day that she didn't feel like she was getting enough attention from her teacher when she is having trouble. With the gross lack of communication that I'm getting from her teacher I believe it.

So, my dilemma is, where do I go from here? I have a kid whose lifelong unwavering dream is to be a veterinarian, and that is a very competitive field to get into college for. My daughter doesn't want to be homeschooled. My husband doesn't think it is a good idea at all...let's just say I have a problem with staying on schedule, plus a 3 yr old and  baby to pull me in all directions.

Am I overreacting to consider homeschool already? Should I be beating down the teacher's door, or talking to the counselor/principal/school board? Should I yank her out if it gets to the point where I have to beat down the teacher's door (when she should really be more available than that)? How do I get my husband on board with homeschooling, if it doesn't become GLARING obvious that she needs it? We are both already unimpressed by the tendency our public schools have to teach-to-test. However, he feels it is more beneficial to send her to public school for the structure it offers, which I frankly don't know if I can provide. So I've got a "No" from both my kid and my husband about homeschool, but I don't want to see her education suffer if she is not getting the attention she needs in public school. Private school is not an option we would consider, because the high cost does not justify the small potential improvement.

Sorry for the long ramble. I'm pretty conflicted at the moment. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Robin

From your post I thought that I saw a couple of red flags. Have you ever had your DD assessed for ADHD (inattentive type...formerly known as ADD)? My DS (ADHD, combined type) is the same way when it comes to forgetting stuff, being disorganized, and seeming unmotivated. Another common trait is some degree of social difficulty (difficulties that get worse when the kids enter the social mine field that is middle school).

Good luck, I hope that you are able to get to the bottom of things quickly!

If you can get your husband on board, I would recommend looking into a charter school homeschooling program and request a supervising teacher who can help you with structure. There's a wide range of programs and teachers out there and while some are well served by unschooling or a very flexible schedule it sounds like you and your family would be best served by a fairly rigid "school at home" program, at least to start out. Your school district may even offer such a program. Ours did, although we only used it as a short term solution because it was too rigid for us.

I agree that your daughter clearly needs more academic supervision than the school is willing to give her. What you need to determine is whether you are willing and able to give her that at home. If so, lobby your husband to at least give it a try. A child who is not fulfilling basic requirements in her current educational program does not get to dictate what she'll be doing next, IMO.

Robin, I can feel your frustration over this whole situation.  Your fall semester hasn't been easy, between worries over the oldest and her schoolwork, and adding a new baby into the mix.  Motherhood is certainly a juggling act, isn't it?

So many of my friends speak of online homework and/or communication systems, where they can keep tabs on what their kids are supposed to be doing and also easily communicate with the teacher(s).  It's too bad your school doesn't have something like that.  It sounds like what your dd is saying about the teacher is true, since you're having trouble getting "attention" from her too! 

For certain, try to keep the friendly dialogue going with your dd.  Let her know in no uncertain terms that as her parent, it's your job to oversee her education (doesn't matter where that education takes place!) and that you want to help her succeed but that you can only do so much.  Check up on her every day, and if you catch her lying about not having homework, make sure there are consequences so that she knows you are serious. Do your best with her at home...maybe if the teacher sees positive results, she'll be more responsive.

As for the possibility of hsing when both your dh and dd are against the idea, right now you've got an uphill battle.  That doesn't mean that it's impossible to win, however.  Keep notes of both positive and negative things that happen with the school situation, so that perhaps one day soon you and your dh can sit down and have a rational "pros and cons" type of conversation.  Continue to educate yourself about hsing and how it could work for your family.  Knowledge is the key.  Probably your dh doesn't have knowledge of the benefits of hsing...or his knowledge is of the "I knew some kids who were hsed and they were social misfits" type.  We can help you blast those myths, you know ;-)

I hope that things will work out for your dd's benefit, whichever way they go.  Good luck...and please, stick around.  Even if you're not officially hsing, this is still a friendly place to be.  Many of the moms here have had to debate over school or hsing...you're definitely not the first person to come here with this type of post!

If you're not hearing from the teacher after repeated attempts then you have no option but to go up the chain of command.  It's her job to maintain communication with you and it should have happened way before now. 

And fwiw, there are many unorganized homeschoolers.  Those not gifted with that quality just have to maintain realism when you choose your method of homeschooling.  For instance, unit studies might not be a good fit, but a computer curriculum that helps you organize might be the fit. 

However, I think the important thing is to get dh on board first.  Without his support, you could be facing overwhelming challenges.  Not insurmountable, but challenging.  And if you're like me and tend to react then dh might not be ready to hear it.  Take your time and do your research and see how things develop.  Try homeschooling in the off time.  Possibly your state might be one where you could do a combination approach.  In my state you can send your child to three classes a day and homeschool the rest and it's called dual-enrollment.  There might be other ways to ease into it, as well. 

Best wishes,