Loss of an Infant

Hello everyone. My name is Kelly. I used to post here once in a while and thought I would check in and see how everyone is doing. After reading some of the posts tonight, I am reminded how truly strong anyone who has ever gone through our type of loss (or losses) is. I know we don't always feel strong, but we are. My heart aches for ya'll, even though I don't know you. Here is my story.

Our first child, Baby Sarah, was born June 1, 2005. We didn't know it at the time, but she had Down syndrome and Tetralogy of Fallot (rare heart defect associated with Down syndrome). At 11 months old, she underwent her second heart surgery, but never woke up. She grew her angel wings on May 25, 2006, just shy of her first birthday.

Then we had twins on July 18, 2007. They were conjoined at the head and lived 22 days. After many battles in the NICU fighting for their lives, they underwent emergency separation surgery due to the fast deterioration of one of the girls. Their names were Chloe and Isabella. They grew their angel wings on August 9, 2007.

DH and I have two precious dogs, Chewbacca and Lola Mae, who have brought much joy to our otherwise empty home.

This is a very sad time of year for us. We dread summer so much. May - August has such painful memories for us that it almost seems too much to bear. Somehow we make it through. I'd like to get to know you if that's alright. I've tried to be a member of this board before but went into a deep depression. Fortunately through family and friend support, a great doctor, and some medication I feel like I am coming out of the dark so to speak. There are days when I retreat back into my shell (tears streaming down my face), but for the most part I feel a little better. I know you understand.

I look forward to getting to know you.

Kelly

mommy to angels Sarah, Chloe, and Isabella (Izzie)

Hi Kelly. I don't know if your ears were ringing or not, but I swear, I thought of you just this week and wondered how you've been. My heart still aches for you and your angel girls.

Summer is a tough time of year for me, too, b/c my mind *always* goes back to what I was doing in the last few weeks before Ryan's arrival. I relive it every summer, so this isn't the greatest time of year for me, either. Plus, my dad passed away a year to the day after Ryan did, so as it creeps closer to August, all the strength I've mustered the rest of the year quickly fades away.

I'm so glad you've come back to our board. I can't even begin to imagine how the last few years have been for you and your DH, but I'm glad to hear that you've had so much support and are feeling "better." Some days, "better" is all we can ask for.

Anyway, I hope you'll stay around. (((HUGS)))

Thank you so much for thinking of me. I have often wondered about you too.

We will just have to grin and bear it through the summer it sounds like. Maybe that's why I always look forward to the fall. That and the cooler weather, although fall in the south is not much cooler than the summer but definitely less humid!

How is your summer going? I haven't even been swimming yet. But I have laid out a couple of times. I used to hate the hot weather but as I've gotten older, I enjoy being out in the sunshine more. It's kind of theraputic.

Kelly

Hi Kelly,

I remember you and it's good to see you here again! I'm not sure how I missed your post - it was burried down in this folder, I guess... and well.. please just accept my apologies for a tardy reply. We have a difficult time of year too - it's october/november when Kate started getting sicker and then passed. We seem to get in a funk and don't come out of it until spring 9after 4/5 -her b-day.)

Anyhow just wanted to say Hi...