Loss of an Infant

My name is Erin and I thought I would pop over and share my story with the hope that it might help someone.

My husband, Joe and I tired for years to start our family. After two losses, we finally had our son, Matty. He was premature and in the NICU for a while. But when he came home he was healthy and didn't have any major further problems. When he was 8 months old he passed of SIDS. Joe found him. Matty died in Feb of 2007. Joe took his own life a few months later. A day doesn't go by that I don't wonder what I could have done differently. I should have paid more attention to him, seen that he needed help and made him get it. But I was too involved with my own feelings.

Basically I just wanted to say is PLEASE do not underestimate the pain that the other person is feeling. Keep those lines of communication open. And if you are really feeling like ending things, SEEK HELP. Everyone grieves differently and it can be hard to distinguish between what is "normal" and what isn't, and it can be hard to watch for signs when you are going through so much yourself. If a friend or family member raises a concern, don't shrug them off as not knowing what it's like - take it seriously.

I extend my deepest condolences to each of you for your own loss. God bless.

Welcome to the board. Thank you for sharing your story. You sound like such a strong person. I am so sorry that those things happened to you and your family. My heart goes out to you! hugs

((hugs)) Erin.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  Your story hit me so hard because the last aspect could have been me.  I was lucky.  We had our first born, Joseph, and he also passed from SIDS.  It was in the care of his babysitter and her negligence.  Anyway, after Joseph passed, my DH and I were just lost.  Sometimes I don't feel that I had a chance to grieve as much as I should have because I was constantly worried about him.  He had suicidal thoughts.  On the way home from work he would think about driving off the freeway cliff.  All he wanted to do was "be with Joseph".  I am so very sorry about both of your losses, and I wanted to thank you for sharing your story.  I want to thank you for being an advocate for not only your son, but for you husband as well. 

This board has been such a wonderful help to me.  I hope that it can be a help to you too.  The ladies on the board are very caring and we all understand each other.  If you need to come here anytime, we are here for you.