Loss of an Infant

It's always comforting to know that you're not the only one going through situations in life, that there are other people who relate to your hurt and understand the feelings, the depression.

I am a young mother, 19 years old. I gave birth to my little girl the day before my 16th birthday in 2006. She was healthy, never had any health problems. Was the right weight and height at all her check-ups. She is 3 years old now and still growing and still healthy as an ox. She is the child I had with my ex-husband. We have been separated for 1 1/2 years now.

I also miscarried a child with my ex-husband October 2007. We didn't know the gender. We were not too very far along into the pregnancy. But I was still excited. I was ecstatic to be having another baby. And it was the worst experience of my life. Firstly because I lost a baby, and secondly because I was losing so much blood in the few days I was bleeding and one night I remember walkin to the bathroom and tellin my husband at the time that I didn't feel right. I woke up in an ambulance. It was very scary. We were only 8 weeks gestation, we had went to the first sonogram appointment in September and got the picture and everything. They didn't bother telling us until a week later that it didn't have a heartbeat and that eventually it was pass. And it did about 2 weeks later. And during that 2 weeks before the dreadful event in October. I prayed that the doctor was wrong. But he wasn't. We had the name Justice Lynn picked out. That would of been the name whether he/she was a boy or girl. For some reason my husband felt it was a girl. Idk.

After my husband and I split up in January 2008. I rekindled my first love from High School in March 2008 and we hit it off again really quick. Madly in love and still are. We conceived our first baby together in April 2008. We found out he was a boy. I had a normal healthy pregnancy. He was born vaginally and he didn't have any health problems. He weighed 7 lbs 12 oz. He was beautiful. During the first couple months he was having trouble gaining weight. Being born in winter time he was suceptible to illness. He got Pneumonia and got down to below his birth weight by March 2009. It was scary. He was hospitalized for a week. He started gaining weight, we switched his formula in the hospital and now he's almost 7 months old and healthy and chunky and everything you want in a beautiful baby boy.

With a lot of stress and chaos in my life over the past 2 years. And having stress with money and the kids with my fiance now, my son's father. We ended up "taking a break" in April this year. He went to Texas to visit his cousin. I was stuck here in Virginia with my siblings, the kids and everyone hassling me around the house. I almost snapped, depression hit me again real hard. It's something I have dealt with medically for 5 years now. I have been on many medications for many mental diagnosis. I had slept with someone I knew for 2 years, while my fiance and I were on a break. It took a few weeks. But I took pregnancy tests around 5 weeks afterwards, I had missed my period, I am on an IUD birth control. But I got pregnant. And with the birth control as I researced. Many people have gotten pregnant and the IUD aborts the baby from the body automatically. In some cases the pregnancy stuck and they got the IUD removed. I was hoping to have gotten to do that but it was the weekend when I found out. And it was Tuesday the week after my missed period that I started miscarrying. Bleeding really heavy, which was unusual with my BC. But I eventually coped with it. Told the elleged father, told my fiance. My fiance came back to me May 19th. We've been together since and don't plan to let any more things come between us. We've stayed strong through so much in 1 year 4 months. We've known each other for 5 years. We're just perfect for each other.

Nothing is going to tear us apart. And in July 2010 we're going to get married, when my divorce from my ex- is final. Then we're going to start TTC #3 in 2010-2011 and see what happens.

Just thought I'd get everything off my chest. If you read or if you don't, thanks anyways for taking the time to listen