Loss of an Infant

beckettsmom,

Just wondering how you are doing.  Geesh, I hate when people ask me that question as I simply don't know how to answer, and here I'm asking the same thing as you.  We lost our 2 1/2 year old daughter on Sept 7th,  just a few days after you lost your sweet Beckett.  The pain seems to get worse with time.  I don't think I can get through this.   The memories of the final moments of her life are horrific and at times I think I'll surely go out of my mind.  I feel so alone.

I hope that you are doing okay and that you have things that bring you comfort.  My greatest comfort comes in knowing how absolutely adored she was in her short life.  She was our sunshine, our joy, our light.  Sometimes, though I know this doesn't make sense, I wonder if I loved her too much.  Like maybe that's why she was taken from me.

I'm trying to go on, to put one foot in front of the other, to do what needs to be done but there seems to be no energy, no will, no desire. 

I would love to hear about Beckett, his sweet baby antics that made him who he was.  Did he look like mommy or daddy, was he small baby or big with a hearty appetite?  A happy boy or fussy baby?   His favorite toy, his favorite blanky?  It seems that people avoid talking about my Jalayne with me and I just don't understand that.  I do know that people mean well, that they don't know what to say or do but at times I find people exhausting. 

Sundays are always especially hard for us and as I was looking through the board and realized that your pain is also very fresh, I wanted to send a hug from one aching heart to another.

Hi Lucky(I guess not so)

I know the "how are you question" I just started answering honestly "not good" then you get the look, because no one knows what to say...then don't ask :)
I know what you mean about horrific memories. Seeing Beckett having CPR performed haunts us daily. Not how I wanted to remember my sweet boy. I also dont know how I will get through this, how can anyone? How do you move on knowing that a BIG piece of you is gone?
I started a blog about him, more for my own way of telling his story and telling people how I am feeling. From what I have heard it helps to look back at how you were feeling to see that you have made progress even though it may not feel like it. If you want to look at it - there isnt much there feel free (thebiggestloss.blogspot.com).

Was Jalayne your first? Are you back at work? So many questions :)
If you feel like chatting you can email me directly at raybran4@gmail.com. The one thing I have found from going through this, is you meet some really sweet people who are just like you. I know I feel all alone most days, but getting an email from someone who has been there helps to know I am not.

Hugs right back to you.

I took your advice and started a blog for Laynee.

www.lovinglaynee.blogspot.com