Loss of an Infant

So I guess I am just getting really, really nervous that Chloe will be here soon.  I think I just need to get this off my chest and have some reassurance.  I had a shower at work today and it was great.  Everything pink and cute :)  Then, I opened the last gift, and I got a bit scared.  The people in my department got a bunch of gifts, but one of them was a Cinderella costume for Chloe when she gets older (like 3 or so).  As much as I love it, it scares the heck out of me.  I try to think positive, but it is hard for me to believe that she is going to get to wear it.  I know they didn't mean anything bad by it, it is just me overthinking.  But it still scared me.

I find it hard to believe that this time next week I am going to be preparing to go to the hospital.  We have one week left.  And sometimes people talk to me like I never had a kid before, even though they know I had Joseph.  They say things like, "get ready to not sleep" and talk about how the baby will cry and I have to get used to that too and stuff like that.  Well, duh, have you forgotten that I had Joseph for 3 months???  I know that isn't a long time, but really, I think I can remember what having a newborn is like.

Maybe I am just overanalying people's good intentions.  I can honestly say that I am getting scareder and scareder about her coming and staying with us.  Does anyone think I am crazy or overthinking this stuff?  Especially about the dress.  I just want to be happy and blissful and that won't ever happen.

Wow, I can't believe the time is so close! I am so happy for you. It's weird how I am so happy for a complete stranger yet upset by all my friends who are now pregnant. Anyways, I don't really have any advice since I am not yet at the point of having another child at home with me but if it helps any I think all these thoughts and emotions you are having sound completely natural. People just say the stupidest things some times and I am learning that there is nothing we can do about it. They mean well they just don't think before they speak.

I hope all the best for you and next time someone says something hurtful remind yourself that most people don't intentionally try to mean hurtful. I know easier said than done. I believe our new happiness is never going to be perfectly happy, we will always have that deep sorrow inside but I'm sure Joseph is taking care of you and his little sister. Give yourself permission to be happy.

Janis

 

I think what you're feeling is normal, unfortunately. The experience that we've had with our little ones makes us fearful. For me, since we lost Kate at 7.5 months..., I have usually felt some sense of relief when my little ones reach that age. It doesn't completley go away, though...  I think we just will always have a little of the fear. 

If you just try to relax and enjoy Chloe when she gets here - everything will be okay. In many ways, I think that's the lesson in all of this for all of us. I have 2 healthy kids, but I'm really aware that there are things that can take them away from me at any time -- and I love them every minute because you never, ever know what might happen! KWIM?

Keep us posted!!!!! I"m sooooooooooooooooooo excited to see pictures and hear your birth story!

  

 

  

I completely understand how your feeling.  I think you are trying to protect yourself from planning too far in advance because you don't want to be more hurt.  I will admit I was a basket case after I had Bayleigh.  I had myself convinced that she was never going to make it past 7wks of age like her brother, much less to be 3yrs old.  

This is totally normal considering the horrible experience we've had with our first children.  I did let it consume my life though so hopefully that will not happen with you.  Are you taking any meds?  Not trying to push meds on anyone, but when Bayleigh was 2mths old I was seriously insane with worry and feelings of dread.  So much so that I was not enjoying having a baby or sleeping at all.  My dr put me on Paxil and it was a life changing drug for me.  I still had some anxiety, but I was finally able to enjoy having a baby and was finally able to see the future with her in our lives.

Take care hon, enjoy this last week of pregnancy.  I don't come to the board too much but feel free to email me if you want to.  Can't wait to her your birth story and see some pictures of Chloe!!

Thanx to all you ladies.  I guess if there is one place we can come and not look like we are losing it, it is here.  We all understand.  Today was my first day off from work.  Chloe will be here Friday so I ran all around today finishing up errands.  Went shopping with FIL and he bought sooooo much stuff for Chloe.  I honestly felt bad b/c I knew he was going to buy her play pen (which was about 99 bux) but he wound up getting her high chair (89) and a whole bunch of other things!!  Spent about $300.  If it wasn't for her grandparents we would have nothing.  They are the ones that bought all this stuff (stroller, bassinet, high chair, etc).  I guess we are very blessed.

I think being away from work and having one less thing to stress about has helped (even if it has been only one day).  I am still nervous about her being here, but I guess I will have to just enjoy the time I do have with her, like you said Heide.

And Heide (the other one, lmao!) I do not take meds right now (my hubby is the one on Wellbutrin).  That is not to say what will happen after she is born of course, but for right now, I just feel I don't really need them.  I'm not against it though if I need it.  Just worried about how they will make me feel, kwim?  I guess I will deal with it when and if it happens.