Loss of an Infant

So being that yesterday was Thanksgiving I went to my parents house for dinner. Well it turns out there were 19 of us there. I was doing ok all day and than my dad made a little toast to friends and family and how happy he was to see everyone there. I just burst into tears and spent the next two hours locked away upstairs crying. I was so sad not to have my baby girl with me and than I was so mad at myself that I couldn't get it together. Yes, Taylor is not here but here I am suppose to be spending the day with the family I do have here and I couldn't do it. I feel I miss out on everything because I miss her to much. Shouldn't I be happy to have the family I do and try and spend my time with them while they are here? Will this ever change, how do I move on?

I seem to be stuck, I don't see anyone anymore and I feel like I am just waiting around till I can have my own family. But I know that that will not solve anything, I will still be sad and miss Taylor. For those of you who have had more children after your loss can you move on? Does it make it easier to do holidays or see friends and family?

Janis

 

I always thought it sucked that we had to "make it through" stuff like this.  This may be a stupid question, but you were having Thanksgiving?  I hope I'm not a month off, lol!

Anyway, obviously I haven't gotten to the holidays yet to bring Chloe to the festivities.  But I am getting nervous about it.  I just remember how I was last year.  Your story sounded like mine.  I couldn't get into being around the family because the loss of Joseph was such a huge hole.  As much as I am blessed to have Chloe in our lives, I feel my sorrow over Joseph growing because he is not here to be our complete family.  And that I don't know how to deal with.  On the other hand, I have to constantly remind myself that it is not fair to her to live in her brother's shadow either.  She is her own entity and deserves to have happy parents that are going to show her a good holiday.  Again, ask me this question when the holidays arrive, I might have a different feeling.

I wish I had more advice for you.  I just know how it sucks sitting around with family and watching everyone smiling and being happy when your heart is torn in two.  And of course nobody wants to even bring up the baby that passed, whether it is to spare our feelings or because it makes them uncomfortable.  Either way, it's hard on us and I do give you credit for being able to go and make it through.  It's a step, and even if it doesn't seem like it, it is a good step.  Hang in there girl.

Janis,

I know I haven't posted much here. But I had to write to you. It's perfrctly normal and natural to feel as you do. I had Faith when Angel died....but for our first christmas without her ( when I still would have been pregnant) and for what should have been Angel's first christmas ( when Lexi was born) all I could think about was that Angel should be here! It's gotten easier as the years have gone on, and I'll warn you there may be a time when WATCHING your living kids will be a daily reminder of everything you lost with Taylor...but it does get better. Now I can get thru the holidays...and I miss Angel, and I wish she was here...and I think it's especially hard because she died in December....but we get thru it and I can see my living kids and focus on them. You'll get there...all of you will...It's a process. You have to grieve not only the loss....but all the lost oppertunities and missed memories you were robbed of...but eventually that will fade. You'll be ablt to remember Taylor, but look at your living kids and realize that Taylor is a part of them too.

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