Infertility Support

I was wondering after reading thru some posts, what's been the worst part of IF for you?

other's bfp's?
insensitive friends?
feeling of self worth?
feeling of failure?
losing friendships?

AFM, it is really hard to know, it changes depending on the specific situation I'm in...

Kelly,

Very good discussion question!

I agree that it changes depending on the situation I am in. If I had to choose I think the bigest one for me is feeling like a failure. I got PG with my son after 4 months of trying so I figured this time out would be no problem & here I am 1 year in & another year older next week. So at times I do feel like a failure.

Other BFP's are tough but not the ones I see here. It is the oops PG's I have a hard time dealing with.

Nat

Hi Kelly!

Lately I've been having a hard time dealing with my feelings of failure.  

I've dealt with just about all of them except for the loss of friendships, although some of my relationships have changed drastically.   Usually the changes have been because they have children.  Only a couple of my friends have any idea of the severity of our IF.  It is pretty frustrating because it seems like they don't want to hear it.  I thnk that their state of denial is a their (strange) way of supporting me.   I was talking to an old friend on the phone the other day.  She knows that we have been ttc for over two years.  She asked how it was going, so I told her that it looks like we probably won't be able to concieve.   She thought it was appropriate to tell me about another friend who can't have kids because of her frail health.  She said that this girl had it "really bad" because having a child could kill her.   I just changed the subject.

But lately I have been extremely emotional.  I feel like I have been grieving a  loss.  The feelings of failure have been the worst for sure!  

Hi Kathy,

You know I think some friends just don't know how to handle it, honestly it's like they don't understand it so find a way to act stupid about it. It reminds me of the guy I was dating (for 3 years) when my Father died, he didn't know how to act so he ignored me. Didn't call or come see me, it was very immature of him, it made HIM uncomfortable. That's how some friends are, uncomfortable. They want everything to just be okay and can't handle it when it isn't.

I'm sorry you're so down but it is understandable. You are grieving a loss, just a different kind of loss, not something you have just something you may not have.

jeez, I'm rambling, sorry.

I know I've been hiding out a bit for the last couple of weeks, part of it is related to your topic.  I am not good at failure, ever.  I will bust my butt to make sure that I get something right, work extra hours, beat myself up, whatever because I want to succeed.

For me, IF has been this giant failure.  I feel like my body just revolted against me because of POF.  I could work hard a lose a ton of weight to be healthier.  I can train and run half marathons and a marathon.  But, I can't make my body not be in POF.  I can't do anything to fix the fact that my last FSH was in the 80's.  I can't do anything about the fact that I got a BFN on a DE IVF cycle.  I just feel like I keep failing.  It's like this huge blow to my "strive for success" ego that I have cultivated for 37 years.  I try not to let it take over but that feeling of failure lurks behind me like a little black rain cloud all the time.