discussion title:
Long-Dread and Excitement (dd-ment)
So I am back after more than three years. Our miracle DD is 19 months old and we dare not wait any longer to try for a sibling for her. After having to go through three rounds of shots (6 months) to get to one trigger shot and then having ONE egg and ONE embryo to transfer and we got our miracle baby girl.
So we are trying again. I so hope we hit the miracle jackpot again but I know the odds are against it. I am excited at the thought of having another child, but I dread the shots and the u/s and the blood draws.
I am excited today. I put the deposit down we go for our ART refresher with the nurse in about a week. Early December I should be going in for the mock embryo transfer and then in January we start it all up again.
I remember all the trials and think how this time I will have my daughter to take care of even if I just want to sit in bed and cry.... because a lead follicle took over.... because they think I am going through early menopause... because there is only one egg but that is as good as it will get...
Getting up at 6 AM to get to my b/d on time and the u/s, every other day for months... now what will I do with DD? We don't tell people about our IVF so do I bring her with me? Grandma is 45 minutes away and DD doesn't wake up until 7 AM but I/we will have to be on the road to the appointments at that time.
Last time the drugs didn't make me too crazy, but I could and did sleep as much as needed... now that won't be the case....
These are some of my fears... I have no one who will understand them like the ladies on this board, but I know I am being terribly unfair too since we have had a success and so many have not yet had their miracles happen.
I remember sitting in the office and every once and awhile someone would bring in a child and I thought how callus. And if I even get one I will be so thankful that that will be it. But here we go we so want another and I so want DD to have siblings. I have 4 siblings and I so want her to have one. To have that built in support and love and we are in this together that single kids don't get.
And I was not a comfortable pregnant lady, I was so sick. But I tell you what every single day I was so thrilled to be carrying our baby.
