so my dh has a very serious and wonderful career oppurtunity knocking on his door. We are communicating quite well right now, especially on this topic (vs. more personal/emotional topics that we are kind of hot and cold on depending on how the wind blows lol) but it is just such a very big decision to make. We love it here where we are and have so many reasons to stay put but it looks very likely that he is leaning toward making the move. i know he wants it but is also willing to sacrafice for the family's greater good. the incentives being offered are very positive. it would involve uprooting, moving to the very expensive cost of living west coast, selling this home (our first adn built thinking we could/would live here forever), buying a new, leaving all the work we put in, the backyard (we have only lived one season with). Anwya, there are all kinds of pros and cons in both directions and I really want to support him. i feel this job is his icing on an already really nice cake for him. We have been here 8 yrs and the number one draw back for me would be leaving my sis/bil. And, Abigail would be not difficult but hardest to sell on the change even though she is an adventurous one. Other than that it is all about the stuff and familiarity we would leave behind. Anyway, they would probably like him asap but are willing to wait until after baby comes in march and we could probably push until june after school is out. It is just such a ginormous decision to even get my head around.
Well, i guess the point of all this is this. How was it for those of you making a major move? I am not too worried about the literal move as they would pay for the entire thing (packing, moving, unpacking) but the impact on the kids and the uprooting/resettling for them. I think our boys would be pretty darn easy and Ab might surprise me once she visited and could see everything about the 'new changes' but she is 12 in 7th grade and very social with many, many different friends and two very good friends.
Also, I like the idea of waiting until June because it doesn't interrupt the school year and for me that means time to prepare, look forward, do last things here, enjoy one more christmas, easter, here etc. But even then do you tell the kids early and or wait until spring but that feels like swooping in and blindsiding them a bit. I don't know how to handle that, yk? The entire family assumption and stance has always been 'we aren't going anywhere' so i think it will be quite the shock to them just the basic concept of it all. That part might be different if we talked of moving to a bigger house one day, or anticipated change there just hasn't been a need for that and we set up our current everything for long term.
so besides my sis (which is so big for me) there aren't many factors against besides the basic resistance to change. Dh and i have talked a few times at length about the whole thing already and will continue but i guess i was just needing a sounding board.
for those of you have done something like this, have you ever regretting making a major move?
This is so hard. We were where you are not too long ago. We were military when we were first married and up until my youngest was born. It was a little different because the kids were tiny. We moved 8 times in 7 years. The kids adjusted fine, they are very resiliant (sp?). It was a little harder on me, finding a home church and core friends ect... but we always did and I found so many dear friends along the way.
We were where you are though probably 6 or 8 months ago as dh was thinking of getting back in the military as a chaplain. We have been in this place for 6 1/2 yrs now and no one remembers being in the military and all the moves (when I moved back here while dh was in Iraq and right before he got out) the kids were just turned 5, 3 1/2, 21 months and I was 10 wks pg. So we talked it through and he was feeling like the Lord was leading him in that direction. So much so we thought it was only right to tell the kids that it was a possibility. We took them to Zaxby's and sat down and told them. It shocked me at their attitudes. They were actually a little excited! My dd said she would be sad to lose her friends, I told her of course she would not lose them, she would still have them and would be able to make more! Middle school is hard though but Abby seems so strong and sweet and if she is adventurous, you never know she may be excited. It will probably be mixed emotions. But with Facebook and texting and e-mail these days it is so easy to keep in touch with people/friends.
I will pray for you to have wisdom on all this. It is a huge decision that will affect the rest of your lives! I can say the moves did bring us closer together as a family because for a while we are it! We HAVE to depend on eachother for everything. Good luck girl, oh and my vote is to go ahead and tell them so they can get prepared mentally. Take care!
Omgosh Sher! Life's an unpredictable adventure isn't it?! I don't have any wisdom to share in this area as I have not made a major move with children. But I think that telling the children sooner rather than later would be best so they too can look forward to the move and enjoy last xmas/Easter and what nots. Plus I think that would be a hard thing to keep under wraps as I think you will need the whole school year to get this move done with looking at new houses, schools, putting your house on the market, etc. and all. How exciting though! I'll pray you and dh come to the right decision for you and your family. :-) Keep us updated!
We moved 2.5 years ago - only 4 hours driving - but still a big move. Would I do it again? Maybe? I don't know.
Here's the deal. We lived in what I think is the absolute IDEAL community/set-up for my DH and me. A "village-y" type atmosphere where you could walk sooooo many places, very quaint, very nice, with a train less than a mile away to a big city to enjoy all that it has to offer. We were basically equi-distant (if that makes sense) from both of our families (2.5 hours), but we did have my brother and his family "local" (about 45 minutes). I 100% would have seen us living there forever - still walking (WALKING!) to church and the library and the bakery and the post office, etc., etc., when we were old and gray. Not that we were even invested in the community all that much, but it still felt like "home".
But my DH got a great job opp. We talked and talked and we decided to make the move. I still think it was the right decision. I would never want to stand in the way of his career and there is a TON of potential with his current job. Opportunities and such that would have been extremely hard to come by again. And he is working with a good friend, which if things go well, would have been a constant reminder that "we could have been there".
On the flip side, it is just recently that I don't think of moving back every single day. There is no community set-up in our new location like the one we left. We live in a very nice area, but we drive absolutely everywhere, everything is chain . . . I call it "stripmall and subdivision" living - some love it, but it's not my ideal. I can't imagine living here forever. It's just not us. But now I'm getting invested here and that is hard, because as comforting as it is, it's still not what I want long term. Does that make sense? Maybe less of a job, but the happiness in where we were would have been better?!?!?
Basically, we didn't give enough "oomph" to the community set-up we had when making our decision. It has given DH and I pause many, many times on whether we should have made the move at all. We still are sure we made the right decision for our family at this time, but it's a very close margin.
so, don't know if this will help you, but felt compelled to give my perspective in the hopes that it will help you in your decision making!
Sher, that's always a hard question. I do think Ab is young enough to get used to it. When they're in high school I think it's harder. Sure she has friends and activities, but she'll make just as many new friends and can find activities like GS other places too. I think you have to make that decision based on your future, dh's career path, etc., not the kids' friendships. I moved when I was in junior high and it was fine. I settled in quickly, made friends, etc. How often do you see your family? Would you be able to fly back or them come to you a few times/year? Or would that not be enough? Just some things to think about - I'm sure you've probably thought of them too.
Where on the west coast would you be moving to? Anywhere near me?
Good luck with this decision. It is a big one to make and not easy.
Mom to 3 boys, 3 girls, and hoping for a tiebreaker soon.
Steven 21, Juliana 20, Andrew 17, Carina 12, Michaela 10, Daniel 6 - all born at home
