Marriage

And if so, please tell me. If I'm not, help me. Here's the situation. I'm probably going to be all over the board so bare with me. I have been with my DH for 10 years, married for 5. We have 4 kids, his DD is 10, and we have a 1,3, & 4 year old. We have probably the best marriage of anyone I know. We love each other emensley and enjoy being with each other at all times. When my husband had to help out a friend last night he called apologizing because he said he was looking forward to spending the evening with me. If I have to go out without him he tells me how much he's going to miss me. Since we have been married we have not been away from each other for more than a day. Here's my question. My dad called from Florida, I live in Illinois, and asked if we all wanted to come down for a week in June. He's been there a year and we haven't been to visit him yet. I told him that DH doesn't have any vacation left. He said, well, why don't you and "A" come (that's my 4 year old daughter). Truth is, I would LOVE to go take "A" and visit him. Her and I could really use the bonding time as she sometimes gets left out because I am always tending to her two younger brothers. He said that maybe my mother-in-law could come watch the boys while DH is at work. It would only be for like 4 days. Only, I think it would really hurt DH's feelings to go without him. I think he would take it as though I wouldn't miss him. And also truthfully, I know he would never go somewhere like that without me. If I couldn't go, he wouldn't go. Plus he doesn't like Florida. Hates the beaches and pools, where I could be in the water forever. I know "A" would have such a great time. I was even thinking of seeing if I could take his daughter and it would be like a girls vacation, she would LOVE that. I just don't even know how to bring up the subject. My girlfriend is taking her daughters to Florida for a whole month to visit her parents and her husband is staying home and when I told him this awhile back he was shocked that she would go without him.

What do I do? Or do I do nothing and say nothing and just forget about it?

K

I don't think you're being selfish at all. I would bring it up to him by saying something along the lines of "my dad called and really wanted to see us. What do you think?" You never know, maybe he'll be able to get a little extra vacation time from work. If he can't then you couldask him about taking your oldest DD and his DD for a girls vacation to visit grampa. If he's as he sounds in your post, I don't think he's mind at all.

Jeff

I would definitely talk to your husband about it. A girls' trip to visit grandpa is a wonderful idea. And since your husband doesn't like Florida anyway, you would get to see your dad and your husband wouldn't have to spend his limited vacation time hanging around a place he doesn't care for. Also, the younger kids would get to spend time with their other grandma while your husband is at work. Sounds like a win-win situation to me. I'd definitely talk to him about it.

It is very common for married people to visit their families without their spouses when schedules don't match or whatever. And being away from your spouse means you get to have a homecoming ;)

Seriously?? I would say - based on your post - that if you are really that close to your DH it should be no issue to discuss this with him. I am assuming of course that you have good communication with one another and not just spending all your time with one another as a means of isolation from the rest of the world and other relationships (i.e., friends, family)

If the former is true, I would just talk with him about it and share with him how you feel about it. Sharing your desire to do this is certainly NOT selfish. If you did not take into consideration having a conversation with him about it and just decided to go, that would be selfish. If you say nothing its just the opposite of selfish - a caretaker of sorts (and not necessarily in a good way).