Marriage

I think that what you have said makes total sense and I can see where you are coming from. Your family is under A LOT of stress right now - new child, new city, new job. To me it doesn't sound like you are trying to change your husband at all, just that you are overwhelmed and trying to figure out a way to get some relief. I think if you can get some relief and not feel so overwhelmed, then your anger will go away too.

Let's look at the different components of your situation and see if there is anything that can be done to get you some relief.

From what you have said, there doesn't seem to be anything that can be done about your husband's long hours at the moment because of his new job, but that will change as time goes on, right? He will be able to have more of a regular schedule? If that is the case, then part of the solution may be to just know that this wont last forever.

You said you have migraines, allergies, backaches, and sleep deprivation. Those factors will make any situation worse. What can be done? Have you been to the doctor? There are quite a few new medications for migraines and allergies. What about your back? Have you tried a chiropractor? Is your insomina a result of the other issues, or is there something else? I would definitely suggest looking into solutions for some of these issues, and if you've been to the doctor, find a different doctor. There ARE solutions to your health issues and once you can get a handle on those will do wonders for your outlook. I personally have had excellent luck with Zomig and a chiropractor for my migraines and backaches. And never underestimate the need for sleep. What is keeping you up at night?

You also said that you have not slept in or had a sick day since your daughter was born. Have you have ANY time off from being a mom? People need personal time. Can you hire a sitter and have some time to yourself or one on one time with your husband? Or maybe make a deal with your husband that on Saturday he will take your daughter for ice cream and to the park for a couple hours and you can sleep, have a bath, paint your toenails, read a book, or whatever you want to do and then on Sunday morning he can sleep in as much as he wants. Or maybe your husband can stay home with your daughter while you run errands - even though errands aren't leisure time, at least you don't have to manage your errands and your daughter at the same time. This time your husband would be spending with your daughter isn't just for you either - time with Daddy is really important, esspecially if Daddy is at work a lot.

Then there are other things you can do to simplify your life. What about all those bags you carry into the grocery store? Do you really need to carry that much stuff, or could you get away with a slightly bigger purse that will fit a few of your daughter's things in them - a diaper, a bottle, a little baggy of cheerios and then leave the rest of the stuff in the car or at home. Does your area have grocery delivery? Several grocery stores in my area do. That would really simplify things. I have started buying all my toiletries from drugstore.com so I no longer have to go to the drug store to buy all that stuff. It just comes UPS. As for cooking and cleaning - I don't know how much you do, but I have seen women run themselves ragged trying to keep the house perfect. If this is you, then relax. Let some stuff go. A spic and span house is not worth your sanity.

So there are some ideas - I hope that they help. If anything, just know that you aren't the only one to ever go through this. I think it's a pretty common adjustment people go through.