you are here: iVillage Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnancy & Parenting message boards Parents of an Abused Child  / The Comfortable Couch  / 

Parents of an Abused Child

3977 messages posted to this board
find messages about   
welcome!
 
last visit to this board
6/15/2004


add to friends
ignore posts
discussion title:
 

desperate for advice

emoticon:
 emoticon
message #:
  1190.1
replies:
  2
from:
date:
  5/14/2004 1:58 am

I have a 4yo ds who was molested by his father, we found out about it almost a year ago. Since then the local cps and police have closed the cases against him for molestation and child porn since he left the state two days prior to taking a polygraph and since the state that he fled to wouldn't help in any way. The problem is my ds has been bringing it up to everyone he comes in contact with. He even brought it up to a police officer and a cps worker when my x and his family called them saying that my boys were in immeint danger of being seriouly injured by my bf. That case was completely unfounded and was closed within the week. I have had cps and the police at my door at least once a month since my po was issued last june. When ds told them in explicit detail that is undeniable that the child was molested they said that they would add it to the original report and that was it, they weren't going to reopen anything. Why is it the person or family that is hurt is some how always blamed for it and the perpetrator gets away with it. My problem is that i'm guessing that ds feels like no one has helped him and he has to try to do something. He just up and say that he wants to kill his old daddy. He calls my x old daddy and my bf daddy. It wouldn't be so bad if it only came up every once in a while but its every day several times a day. I would like if he could forget about it but it looks like thats not going to happen. I don't bring it up anywhere near him and he has to be asleep in his room before i will say anything to anyone about my x. Ds will also try to push my bfs buttons to see if he will do the same thing. How do I get this to stop so there might be some chance that we can all get on with our lives? Any advice would be appreciated.
last visit to this board
6/22/2004


add to friends
ignore posts
discussion title:
 

desperate for advice

emoticon:
 emoticon
message #:
  1190.2 in response to 1190.1
replies:
  2
from:
to:
date:
  5/14/2004 9:46 am

Has your son had any counseling?  In my experience counseling REALLY helps not only the children but also the parents.  Play therapy is *wonderful* for children your son's age as a way of working through the issues that being molested cause.  Something that I am almost positive that your local protective services office will NOT tell you though is that protective services is **Required by law** to PAY FOR counseling services for children who are abused for 5 years after the abuse, so it *shouldn't* even impact your budget. 

Part of the reason that he talks about it is because he feels comfortable talking to the people that he talks to about it.  Personally I would try distracting him OR simply sitting him down and explaining to him that he is entitled to his feelings about his "old dad" (which is what MY children also call their bio-father and he has been out of their lives for 5 years now) and that you think that it is wonderful that he feels so comfortable talking about it BUT him talking about it makes other people uncomfortable so it might be better if he picked just a couple of people that he (and you) really trust to talk to about it.  That gives HIM an outlet for his feelings while giving *you* some relief from the fear that he is going to walk up to some stranger in the store and talk to them about it. 

HUGE HUGS

... . .-.. ..

Change the number of messages
displayed on this page in
Indicate your interest in the discussion
   
Get updates to this discussion
delivered by email