Hi
I think on some level we will always mourn. As the days go by, particularly early on, it gets easier and easier to make it through each day.
Am I still grief stricken? No. Does it still hurt from time to time? Yes.
Do I think about my baby? Yes. Do I think about her on a daily basis? Yes. Am I still consumed by my loss and does it still have a grip on my life and my every move? No.
I don't think I think about her too often. I try not to dwell on the what-ifs and the what could have beens. When I have those days, which lately there have not been many of them, they're all consuming. They drain my energy. I am not a happy person those days. I am quite miserable, sad and depressed. So I do my best, I work my hardest, to allow myself to think, to feel, to wonder without letting it consume me.
I lost my little one 6 years ago at 16wks. I foolishly didn't allow myself time to heal, mentally, emotionally or physically. I was back to work the very next day. I took no time off. I was a shell for weeks, months even. I wasn't myself. I denied myself the ability to begin to heal. It was a good 8 months later that I finally started to deal with it.
I think many of us dont' properly deal with what we're going through because so many people out there dont' recognize our loss as a true loss: its not a baby. So since the vast majority of people don't awknowledge the agony we're going through we deny ourselves that right. Since they don't understand, since they think its silly we push our own feelings out in favor of keeping the masses happy. This is why education is so important. People need to understand how difficult this really is.
Good for you for starting counselling. I hope you're able to work through your feelings and truly begin to heal. ((hugs))
