discussion title:
health problems from pregnancies
I'm so sorry, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this.
I'v had 4 recurrent pregnancy losses. These all happenned in a space of less than 3 years. The first one was in the first trimester, the second and third ones were just before the second trimester and the last one was well into the second trimester (almost in the third).
To make a long story short, no doctor could figure out why I was having trouble carrying a pregnancy to term, and so I was put on many different medications hoping that something would work. One of these medications was Heparin, the blood thinner that I injected by needle into my abdomen and thighs twice a day from week 6 until I lost the pregnancy at week 22. I wasn't told that Heparin was a dangerous medication that should only be taken if the risks outweighed the benefits. I was told nothing at all about it, only that it might help the pregnancy come to term. (months later when I got some blood results back, it showed that I didn't need the Heparin, but by that time the pregnancy was lost anyways)
I have not tried to conceive now for 3 years and I turned 41 this year so I think this means that I'm giving up. I can't bear another loss and to be honest I am SO ANGRY when I think back to those years of trying and losing pregnancies, and now I'm angry because I'v had so many health concerns that I believe were caused by the 4 pregnancies.
First I suffer from depression. I wasn't a happy person before the pregnancies, but I certainly didnt' need anti depressants like I do now. I'm constantly battling depression and have forgotten how to smile.
Second, I have completely lost my sex drive, which used to be VERY high, and since the loss of my second or third pregnancy, it's just gone now, like 0% desire.
Third, during my 4rth and last pregnancy, my immune system was so low that I developed a cyst near my spine that got infected. The infection never went away, even when the pregnancy was lost, and I finally had to have serious surgery on my back to remove the infected tissue.
Fourth, now I think I have a blood clotting disorder because every few weeks I get nose bleeds and hemorrhages in the whites of my eyes that make me look like the devil. These take 2 weeks to dissipate, and although I'm told there's no danger to my vision, it's still a bother to have to avoid going out in public.
How much longer will I be punished for trying to get pregnant?
