So glad to find a place where people are experiencing or have experienced what I am going through. But, at the same time, I am sorry for all your losses. I began miscarrying on October 10; I was 10 weeks and had seen and heard my little one's heartbeat at 7 weeks, 5 days. The loss took place in the ER and was quite traumatic. I am 40, have no children and this is my 2nd miscarriage in a year. My heart is broken and I don't know when I will feel normal again. I feel like part of me is gone - my heart, my spirit. My DH is so wonderful and I feel like I am just so emotionally drained that I have nothing to give back to him.
Thursday seemed like a scene from a bad movie. This is where I have to vent. Thursday would have been the beginning of my 2nd trimester and I was feeling like I was handling it pretty well. We had a staff meeting at work - first thing and at the meeting my coworker announced that she is pregnant with her 2nd child and that she is 3 weeks along! I almost burst into tears but found the strength to go to lunch with everyone to celebrate with her (no one knows about my loss). Then, as I am heading into my office for some alone time, another coworker says, to me "Hey, check this out!" and flashes to pictures of his new baby girl in front of me. Then, I head to the restroom and realize that after almost 3 weeks, I am bleeding again - another reminder that my baby is gone. I feel like I am coming apart at the seams and am grateful for this weekend. Tomorrow, I am going to force myself to go to church so that I can get some guidance and hopefully get some strength on how to cope with this unbearable grief.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent. My thoughts and prayers are with you all who have experienced a loss recently. This is hard.
Karen
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- DH and I married in 10/2004
- TTC since 10/2005
- Fibroids removed in January 2008 and May 2008
- BFP on 11/4/2008 > m/c two weeks later
- May 2009 uterine polyps found and removed via D&C
- 1st attempt w/ injectibles, trying IVF > poor response to meds; IVF converted to IUI > BFN
- June 2009 told that my FSH is 24 and that my chances of conceiving "don't look good.... less than a 2% chance" - two doctors recommend donor eggs, decide to take a year and think about it.
- On a break, surprise BFP on 8/28/2009 after long cycle > m/c 10/10/09
With God All Things Are Possible!
