Parenting After a Stillbirth/Infant Loss

I am so very sorry to hear your sad news.  There are those of us here who found out some time in advance that our baby would be stillborn.  There are others, like myself, who found out hours before birth.  I have likened it to losing someone to a prolonged battle with cancer or losing someone to a car accident.  The end result is the same.

I know you are still trying to absorb this horrible news.  But once the initial shock has worn off I recommend you find as much support as you can.  You are going to need it.  I don't know where you live, but in our area there are prenatal hospice programs that provide tremendous care and support to families.  The journey is tragic and sorrowful but it never has to be traveled alone.

About a month ago a woman posted on the TTC after stillbirth board (she didn't know about the stillborn board at the time) regarding a possible stillbirth.  She had developed significant placenta problems and knew it was highly likely her daughter would be stillborn, which sadly, she was.  Anyway, she asked for suggestions from those of us who had been through it.  What did we recommend or suggest she do after the baby was born?  I believe you would find it helpful to read through the posts.  I know she found it very helpful.

I also recommend a book that I have found to be very good.  It's called Empty Cradle Broken Heart:  How to Survive the Death of Your Baby by Deborah Davis. 

This is a sad club to join.  But I truly believe you will not find a finer group of woman.  You might also want to check out the stillborn board.  It is very active and I believe it helped save me more than once during the darkest hours.

I pray for peace and comfort for you and your family.

Joan

(((hugs)))

How difficult for you--I can just imagine dealing with the happy questions from strangers and such that break your heart. Ugh.

I guess I would say to enjoy those kicks and treasure this time with your baby. As all mothers of a baby who was stillborn know, the pregnancy is the only time we get to cuddle, caress, and get to know our children. So take a lot of pictures, videos of the baby kicking, etc. Someday, even though it probably seems morbid now, you'll want to have those memories. There are so few tangible reminders of our angels, so you'll treasure any of them you have.

Also, when your little one is born, definitely hold him, dress him, have someone there to take pictures (there is a volunteer group called "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep that comes to take portraits free of charge http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/ ), etc. It is a special time you won't get back. And again it sounds morbid but it is our only opportunity to memorize our children's faces, hold them, touch them, kiss them...

I will hold you in my prayers. (((hugs)))