Postpartum Depression

I guess I should start by giving a brief background story. My husband and I have been together for a little over three years and have been married for one. Before our wedding March '08, we had discussed getting married but had no immediate plans. But within 1 1/2 months, we found out we were pregnant, got engaged, planned a wedding and got married. Our relationship beforehand was already somewhat rocky due to long distance so with the added pressures of getting married and having a child, well, you can imagine how much stress I was under. We managed to get through the nine months and were both really excited by teh time the big day rolled around. But then, my in-laws caused a lot of stress on me the day before I went to the hospital, causing me to have an emotional breakdown and minor complications during child birth. Again, we pulled through and put it behind us. The first three months after my son was born was hard but I was ok. I was a little upset that I was a size 6 before baby and a size 12 after but I expected that.

Starting around month 4, our lives became really fast-paced. My husband was activated and was told that his unit would be deploying sometime after March of this year. We immediately started renovating our house to put on the market as I had no plans on staying in his hometown by myself for a year with no family or friends for support. On top of that, we were constantly driving back and forth with the baby between his hometown and mine which are about 8 hours from eachother. After 3 months of working on the house and moving our stuff back here, I am now settled into my new home.

I guess I noticed a difference in me about a month ago - maybe longer. I average about 3 - 4 hours of sleep per night total. My son has yet to sleep through the night himself which doesn't help. I find myself crying at least once a day and I have no energy to do anything. I rarely change outfits and often wear what I have on to bed because I know that I won't leave the house the next day anyways. My hair has become dry and brittle and falls out. My skin gets scaly and dry. My shoulders and back are in such pain from tension and knots. Sometimes I catch myself just staring at the wall and thinking how terrible a mom I am.

I try expressing my feelings to my husband but he's not here so he doesn't see what I go through every day and he doesn't understand. He keeps telling me I'm allright and not to worry about it. The army support sites tell me I don't need to worry my deployed spouse with such things and that I should be strong. Here I am at home with an 8 month old who demands A LOT of attention while all the while I'm supposed to be managing the finances, the house, all the doctor appointments, and now I am 9 weeks pregnant with our second child - how am I supposed to be strong? I haven't had a chance to build any strength.

I've thought about telling my OB but I don't know how to tell him. I don't want him to look at me like I'm some freak. What if he thinks I'm not able to take care of my son properly? Or my next arrival? I mean, I'm about to go through this pregnancy and the first 3 months of the new baby's life by myself. What if says that I can't? What if I'm not really depressed at all? What if I am just tired like my husband says? What if I do just need a vacation without the baby? What's wrong with me?

You have had a lot of upheave and not much support-  those things can cause PPD or depression in general.  YOu call your doctor and you tell him/her JUST what you told us.  You are smart to be proactive. You don't want to be so far in over your head that you can't ask for help- or get worse.  There is no shame in asking for help..And while your husband has a lot of stress of his own-  he hasn't walked in your shoes either so he has no idea.  Sleep is a big factor, but sleep alone won't fix PPD (if that is what it is) 

call your doctor.  You need to start managing this in some way before you start going through the new baby process all over again.

I promise it will get better- but you should start trying to help yourself by seeking some help.

*hugs*

theresa

Rosalie -

I just sent you an email with the PSI Army Coordinator's info. I also included information on Operation Special Delivery. You can check them out here: http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com. This program provides free doula care to expectant moms with deployed husbands.

You are not alone in this. Research has shown that moms with deployed spouses are actually 2X more likely to develop a postpartum mood disorder. I know what the army sites say, but you are not being weak by asking for help. You need to seek help and doing so makes you strong, makes you a great mom and a great person for recognizing that something isn't right. It isn't until we admit our problems that we can begin to heal and correct what's gone wrong.

I would make sure that when you go to your OB you ask for a thyroid screen as well. The dry skin and brittle hair may be indicative of such an issue.

Know that you are not to blame, not alone, and will be well. Please keep us posted and know that you have us to lean on no matter what!

warmest,
lauren

I want to thank all of you who have replied. It helps to know that there are people out there who can sympathize with what I'm feeling and going through. I haven't had a lot of support or concern here from anyone so knowing that you are here with words of encouragement helps more than you know.

My son has slept the past three nights through the night which has helped some but I still feel run down and emotional. My next appointment isn't until mid June but I will be sure to bring it up then to my doctor.

And thank you, Lauren, for the army info! I haven't checked it out yet but will as soon as I finish this post.