Postpartum Depression

Hi, I'm new here and this is the best PPD support board I've found.  I still have trouble believing that my symptoms are not different or worse than everyone else's.  I feel like I'm all alone and falling down a black hole.  That's on the bad days.  Then I have day when I almost feel joy.  It is very strange how this PPD works.  With my first, it hit me immediately and gradually disappeared after around 4 months.  This time it came on gradually, and got worse by the fourth month.  I was on Paxil and switched to 120mg of Cymbalta.  So far, not seeing an effect.

My worst time is in the morning, when I sweat and panic because my husband has left for work and I have my seven  year old and 5 month old to take care of.  I HATE to be alone.  I panic and sweat and cry.  I feel as though I can not make it through the day.  I usually have a pit in my stomach and I can't eat.  I've lost around 7 pounds in the last two weeks. 

The strange thing is, I was fine for most of May, then it was like a relapse.  Is this like cancer?  Can we go in to remission and then go back?  Someone please explain this crippling, scary, horrible thing to me!!!!!

I really just want to feel like myself again and not dependent on other people to help me take care of my own child.  Just being near her gives me anxiety that I just try to fight through.  I ignore it and try to function the best I can, and then it becomes too much and I break down and cry.  I'm also not sleeping very well.  I either have nightmares or just very strange, vivid dreams.   I do not feel rested when I get up in the morning, which just makes it worse.

Can someone please tell me they can relate to all this??

I am so glad you've found us! (and thanks so much for the compliment!)

The very first place I want to refer you is here: http://www.postpartumdepression.net/index.html. This is a website for a book I think you should get. It's called The Mother-to-Mother Postpartum Depression Support Book and is absolutely wonderful. This book is a collection of stories from Moms who have been through PPD and survived. They offer insight, advice, by and kid pulling on your pants leg. Most of the pieces can be read in less than 5 minutes.

I know the black hole you're talking about a little toooo well. (http://unexpectedblessing.wordpress.com/2008/05/24/confessions-from-a-black-hole/) That particular post of mine isn't directly related to PPD but it is about an anxiety attack I had over a year ago when I was still in therapy.

When did you switch meds? If it's been more than two weeks, definitely talk with your doc about possibly finding another medication. This one may not be metabolizing the proper way to help you. I would also encourage you to talk to your caregiver about something like Xanax or Niravam(sp? - Theresa knows more about this one) for your anxiety.

When you get up in the morning, wake up slowly. Start keeping a journal next to your bed and write down three things you are grateful for before you even get out of bed. Any chance your husband could bring you some juice to sip when you first wake up? Or that you could keep something to drink next to your bed for the morning?

Email me privately @ ppdacceptance@gmail.com so I can help you find some additional support locally. I'm a Coordinator with Postpartum Support International and can help you find support groups or knowledgeable professionals in your area.

Know that you are certainly not alone, you are not to blame, and you will be well. It will be a journey to get there, but we'll do it together, ok?

((hugs))

Welcome. Look forward to sharing the journey!

warmest,
lauren

I had the same thing as you-  HORRIBLE morning anxiety.  I was convinced that it was my thyroid..  of course it wasn't.

My doctor was awesome!!  she gave me something that is kind of like a dissolving xanax. I would take the instant I woke int he morning- and go get in the shower.  by the time I was done with the shower-  it took the edge off enough so I could eat and face the day.  those saved my life.  for the first two weeks that I was on effexor, I took the niravam.  then I didn't need it so much.  it will make you SUPER tired if you take too much- so it was best if I took less, and then more if needed.  and I know about ht eweight loss- I lost all my baby weight in 17 days because I was too nervous to eat.    I"m so afraid to have another becuase I'm afriad I'm going to have this again. I'm such an in control person-  but the newborn baby thing threw me for a loop.  I have decided if I have another ot will not be a winter baby, I will try to have the baby in the later spring so that my mom will be around more to help (she saves her vacation time for summer)  and I will have all my duck sin a row in terms of medication ahead of time.  I can't feel like that and frankly as much as I would want to breastfeed (I didn't want anything to do with it for my first)    I could not feed a baby when I was only taking in 100 calories a day.  so i remind myself I am only human and I need to take care of myself first or I can't care for a baby!

So I hope you keep all of those things in mind- you can't care for your familt if you don't take care of yourself first....