Postpartum Depression

Hi Everyone,

I hope that you are all coping and doing well.  Today my son is 5 months old.  I cannot believe the time has passed so quickly.  Bringing Chase home was a very rough transition for me.  I am 36 (35 when I concieved) and I don't know if it was harder because of my age.  I never thought I would be the one who would suffer from PPD.  I have ALWAYS wanted a baby, I LOVE babies and thought that my connection would be instant.  I think the fact that it wasn't, sent me into a depression.  I looked at this absolutely perfect human being, that I created, and he was a total stranger to me.  Everytime I looked at him, I felt a bit of resentment in that he would now be 100% dependant upon me for the rest of his life (or so it seemed at the time).  I also felt exteme guilt for not "loving" him right away.  My parents had come to stay for a few days and once they left, my inlaws came for a week.  While I was thankful for the help, it seemed that everything they did just got on my nerves.  My mother in law never covered his penis when she would change him and he would pee all over himself.  She thought it was funny.  My father in law repeatedly turned the sound down on the television and the lights down when the baby was sleeping.  Eventhouhg I told him not to do that, as I wanted the baby to get used to sleeping anywhere and through anything.  I cried all of the time and would go into my room and close the door for hours on end.  I wanted as little to do with Chase as possible.   It seemed to me to be more than just the baby blues.  I wanted to run away.  I kept having thoughts of how I would be so much better off without him and that he would be better of without me.  I never thought of hurting him or my self, but I wanted to either give him away or run away myself.  I talked to my Dr. about it and he put me on zoloft.  Today I am doing much better.  Chase is an amazing little boy, he is fun and funny.  It took me about 3 months to "fall head over heels in love" with him.  I still have my good days and my bad days, but overall, things are much better.

That's just a little about my experience.  I would love to hear from you all.

All my best,

Michelle