Pregnancy and Depression/Mental Illness

YOU are not the bad guy here. YOU did not get yourself pregnant - that takes two. If your husband was really interested in not having kids, there are measures he can take to ensure that doesn't continue to happen.

That being said, I would really urge you to open up to the folks at your doctor's office with how you're feeling. I know you said you may have a hard time doing so but the next time you go, take a print out of your post here and hand it to them. You might be surprised that they'll take care of you. Or you could call one day and just ask (without giving your name) how they would handle a pregnant patient with depression. I also happen to know that your state has some very wonderful Postpartum Support International coordinators and would urge you to get in touch with them. http://postpartum.net/local-support/?state=maryland

The negativity is not doing you any good. I would also urge you to call a Domestic Violence hotline. Even though you did not say anything about physical abuse, you are being verbally and emotionally abused right now and owe it to yourself and your kids to get out of that situation. DH does not seem like he is open to changing and you deserve a better situation and life. So do your kids. There is a way out and it's not suicide.

Please talk with a professional ASAP about your situation, ok?

((hugs))

Take good care of you -

Warmest,
Lauren

P.S. Here is a link to the High Risk Pregnancy board. You may find it helpful:

High Risk Pregnancy & Complications: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pphighrisk

I also want to let you know that on a personal level I relate to what you're going through with this pregnancy. Our second child was born with a cleft palate. we did not know about this prior to delivery and with my third pregnancy I was so worried that something might be wrong with our son. Right after delivery I couldn't even relax until I knew he had a palate. I didn't care if he was breathing, just that he had a palate. I get where you're at, really I do. It's a tough place to be. I'm glad you've posted here and look forward to sharing your journey. ((hugs))

Please tell your dr.'s. Doctors are used to hearing things like that (and much worse I am sure). Doctors understand that having a baby is not all wine and roses all the time - people have real worries, real stress, and a lot of times the hormones make everything so much worse. Tell your dr's - they are there to help you with your problems. And if women didn't have problems when they were pregnant they wouldn't have jobs. 

And, it is probably pointless to tell you that you are not a burden on others (you are supporting your family, and your husband for goodness sake!) because that is what depression does. It warps your perception and you can't change it no matter how logically you think about things. No one deserves to live like that though, so please get yourself some help.