Pregnancy and Depression/Mental Illness

I  have had a very rough pregnancy. I'm 28 weeks. I started out with hyperemisis. I've had 3 UTI's and bacterial vaginosis twice. I've been hospitalized 8 times so far. 4 times for hyperemisis, once for bacterial vaginosis, and 3 times for bleeding, cramping and contractions. I got H1N1. I've been on bedrest for 6 weeks and 7 more to go. Not to mention the emotional crap i've been through. We've moved. My grandpa had major heart surgery.  Our only source of income was taken away when my dad was fired and now unemployment is going to take 4-6 weeks to process, meanwhile all of bills and rent are due now and we're down to $80. Because i'm on bedrest, I cannot fly to California (where all my family and friends live) to have my baby shower after I deliver. My car was stolen, and recovered and the police had it impounded which is going to cost me hundreds of dollars that they're refusing to wave, even though they never gave me a chance to have someone pick it up before they towed it. I've gotten 10 cavaties with this pregnancy and when they filled one, they cracked my tooth which is now causing me so much pain. My wisdom teeth need to come out but it's a $1700 procedure which my insurance does not cover so i'm out of luck. It's been very, very tough.

I'm having a really hard time staying positive. I'm tired of being pregnant. I'm scared that I won't be a fit mom. I feel like such a burden on my family because of the bedrest. I just wanna get up, be useful. Go outside, see people! I'm just extremely sad. I have bipolar, but it seems to have mellowed out because of the pregnancy. But for the past few weeks, I'm just so depressed. I feel like crying all the time. I have bad thoughts, like how I wish I would not wake up. Or wish I would lose the baby. I do love her but I'm terrified. I am a single 18 year old girl. I live with my parents, which is okay, but I don't want to burden them forever. But at the same time I don't know how I will ever be able to take care of myself alone, much less a baby.  

Lacey,

You have certainly had a more than full plate, haven't you?

Have you talked with your OB about your emotional state? If not, it may be time to do so. he or she may be able to help you get into counseling or help in some other way. I really think some professional help would be your best bet at this point.

((hugs))

warmest,
Lauren

I understand you perfectly. I haven´t gone through so much, but I´m also a single expecting mum very depressed who wants it to be over. And I also have thoughts like yours. You´re not alone.

Just like you, I also feel I´m burden for my family though they are of a great support. I haven´t got a job at the moment, so I spend almost all day long at home crying or feeling miserable. And guilty. Because I´m supposed to enjoy my pregnancy and be so happy. I barely have the physical energy it takes to go out for a stroll.

Please keep us updated. It´s good to talk, to let it go.

((hugs))

Have you perchance talked with your caregiver about how you are feeling right now?

I told my OB from the start but she is not cooperative at all. It´s like I´m her fist patient with depression and she tells me things as "A lot of weird things happen to you" and "You´d rather start a diet, you´re getting too fat". Last time I came out crying and feeling like a very bad mum-to-be. As I´m 7 months and three weeks pregnant it´s not worth it to get another OB, so I have decided to stop telling her what´s going on inside my brain.