Pregnant and Single

Hi all,

I posted the other day.  I guess it was inevitable.  The father of my unborn baby (I am 15 weeks) just called me.  He told me he cannot be a part of this kid's life.  That he has the utmost respect for me and he doesn't want me to hate him but he told me from the beginning he was 100% FOR abortion and that it was my choice to have it.  It's not fair that he be held responsible for something that he was against.  That he is going to move to Florida and he is worried that I'm going to go after him for child support because it's going to ruin his life & his dreams.  His plan was always to move to Florida and me and the baby apparently never fit into those plans.  He doesn't want to know about Dr's appts and that he doesn't want to know the sex of the baby or when the baby is born.  He said it is easier for him to go on like this child doesn't even exist.  That seeing the baby will only tear him apart. That maybe in the future he might change his mind but he's for now he can't do it.  He said "i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry, please don't hate me" - but if I ever needed anything or there was an emergency all I'd have to do was call him and he'd be there for me. 

So what did I say?  Nothing.  that it was his choice and that nothing I was going to say or do at this point matters and I said Goodbye and that's it. 

Of course then I got off the phone and i sobbed.  I"M DEVASTATED.  HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS ALONE???  WHAT KIND OF MAN TURNS HIS BACK ON HIS UNBORN CHILD AND WILL GO ON LIKE HE/SHE  NEVER EXISTED?

I will never contact him again.  Should I go after him for child support?  I mean I have a good job but babies are expensive??  Or should I just get him out of our lives and pretend he doesn't even exist??

Any words of wisdom or advice would be greatly appreciated.  I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. So scared.  This is not how I wanted it.  I didn't choose this baby bc I wanted to trap him.  I chose to have this child because it was my dream to have it, I'm 42 years old.  This child is my miracle.  I just NEVER expected to be a single mom.  I never expected him to completely turn his back on us. 

God help me.

Thanks

Lina

im amazed as how these men can be so cruel...I was in your same predicament but I stuck it out...IS hard but you can manage...he kept coming back and forth...but we're not together now..and he is making no attempts to be involved in his son's life...

Of course I took him to child support because I didnt make the baby on my own...he is half responsible, and there is nothing he can do about it ..HE HAS TO PAY...ordered by the court ..and he is paying me child support as we speak. So take his sorry ass to child support as soon as you can. Dont feel sorry for him, he obviously dont feel bad about you and his child...

and I dont understand him telling you to call him in case you have an emergency or you need anything ...wtf? when he is being so clear as to him refusing to be there for his child and you....Find the strength and if you can try to go to a therapist ..it helps..

good luck

Wow...I can TOTALLY relate to you!! I am 27 and 15 weeks pregnant as well, due april 11th. Me and my f.o.b. has a summer thing going on, didnt start anything serious because he was going to Brazil at the end of august for 3 months to study in a exchange program. When I told him I was prego he totally flipped, and was ALL for me getting an abortion. He said a baby was not in his plans, ect., ect.  I found out I was prego about 2 weeks before he left.  When he did leave, he thought for sure I was getting an abortion. I really was thinking about it. But the fact that I work with babies for 1, and am already 27...( so I could only imagine how you must feel at 42), I just couldn't morally and in my heart go through with terminating the pregnancy. So when I told him via email im keeping the baby, and its his choice whether or not he wants to be a part of it or not, and if he chooses not, its his loss. Of course he flips, just like I predicted. He sais " I can not and will not be a part of this childs life because it wasn't made out of love...it was made out of 2 people being careless"..."and "I cant afford to be in this situation, im honestly thinking of moving to Mexico"...blah blah. Oh and of course he had to throw in the "i hope your not doing this to bring us together because if anything its pushing me away"...LOL like their some gods gift to man!! Cowards! such a good catch right. So to this , I responded very tastefully, (as much as I wanted to say screw you!) I did tell him to get over himself though, and im fine doing this alone. I haven't heard from him since I responded. Its been almost 2 months. He is in another country till December but still.

Of course I don't want to do this alone. And I am depressed being "alone" in this. But i think of it as we are already "mothers". And we have to kick ourselves in to survival mode to make it through this, and be strong for our babies. What cowards these men are. To just turn your back on your children like their nothing. Any man that isn't willing to take responsibility is no "man" in my eyes at all. And i can promise you theres no way that this guy can "go on" like this child doesn't exist. I guarantee for sure it will haunt him 24/7, and he WILL end up regretting it for the rest of his life.

As far as child support, as much as you don't want to deal with it, girl "survival mode" def. needs to kick in again. I sooo feel you on that, but its JUST as much his responsibility as yours, and moving to Florida still wont keep the system from being on him. We have to stop feeling bad and do what we gotta do. After all, they don't feel bad right?? Look at what their putting us through as we speak! anyway girl, I try and keep myself positive every day, and hope that he'll come around, but also stay ready and prepared if he doesn't. Best of luck to you chica!!

HI there,

Thank you so much for your response and support. I am so angry. I mean I didn't expect him to marry me but to walk out on your child and just turn your back like we don't exist? How can he live with himself? I guess it's easy now because we used to work together and now he doesn't have to see me or be reminded of me.

I do have a therapist and am working it out with her, thank God. But it's not easy. There are days I don't want to get out of bed. There are days when I want to call him & beg him to reconsider (Of course I'd never). And then there are days when I want to run him over with my car. :)

HE made that comment about being there if there was an emergency because he thinks he's a really "great" guy who just can't handle having a baby. That just because he's doing this doesn't make him an a-hole - he's doing this because it wasn't his choice and he has dreams that don't include this baby and that financially he just can't swing it. Plus he recently listed on his facebook page (which I've since deleted) that he is no "longer single" - so I'm sure that he's moved on to some other victim.

I HATE HIM. I'm just worried to do this on my own. I have only told a few friends and they are so supportive. I haven't told my parents. Even though I'm older, they are OLD SCHOOL immigrants from Italy and they will be so devastated. I told my cousin and she was really judgmental and made me feel even worse about everything

Did you ever feel like you made the wrong choice? Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted to be a mother, I cannot abort this child ever and I KNOW Im going to be a damn great mom, but I've been under so much grief and stress that I'm worried and just terrified and lonely.

Thank you so much for your support. I'm glad to hear you are doing well and that you made it through!! How do you feel now that your son is born? Do you have support from family & friends?
Best,
Lina