Pregnant and Single

Hey ladies...ive shared my story "the waiting game" awhile back, and explained my sit. In a nutshell im 16 weeks along, the f.o.b. is in Brazil finishing up school, and was absolutely against me keeping the baby to begin with, saying it wasn't in his plans and he simply can not afford to be in this situation. A couple months ago out of frustration I told him to sign over his rights if he's sooooo gungho on not being part of this. To this I got no reply...until a week ago he wished me happy birthday via email. Thats all he said though. he comes home in December, and the anxiety is killing me, so i replied with a thank you, and took the opportunity to ask him what he was thinking at this point since we haven't talked for 2 months. His response was HORRIBLE, in-sincere, and extremely disappointing. He said he really hasn't changed his mind, and that if I was still down to let him sign over his rights he has every intention to do so. i was devastated to hear that. I thought maybe over these last months he's had the chance to think, and grow up (he's a month away from being 30!) and realize he will regret it for the rest of his life if he isn't there for his child, apparently it was the complete opposite. He sais he has "empathy for my situation", but is not ready for the responsibility of fatherhood. And he's sorry, he wants "to travel the world"...basically he doesn't want the college party to end...

I'm trying to hold it together and knew I had to stay ready for any outcome...I'm just lost as to what my next move should be. Of course i wrote him back saying i just don't get how you can be so heartless and just "write your own child off" like its nothing, and go on with life as though it doesn't exist...and your not the man I thought you were, imagine what your own father would think! I told him to just leave me alone for now, I cant handle any negative feedback and hurtfull things im already stressing enough. He read it the next morning, and did not respond.

I mean what was the point of even wishing me happy birthday?? anyway my delema now is do i really let him just sign over his rights?? Doesn't that screw me out of any chance of getting child support? and just let him take the easy way out and just walk away? i know NOTHING about these kind of things. Another thing I was thinking...all of my friends think I should but i don't think he's told his family anything about this. I've met his sister once back in may, and im wondering if maybe i should leave her a facebook message saying that im 4 months pregnant with your brothers child, he wants no part in it, but I thought your family has the right to know in case they wanted any part in this. But is that completely not my place? i don't know what to say or do or think at this point. Any words of advise or encouragement would be greatly appreciated...thank you for listening!

Congratulations!

I'm sorry he's being a jerk. I think some states are different, but it isn't easy to just "sign his rights away." I'm in Indiana and I've heard that after 2 years it's a possibility... But yes, that will make it so you can't file for child support. It's my understanding that it's not that simple.

In my opinion, if he can afford to go to Brazil for school (and travel the world!), he can afford to throw you the usual 20% a month for the little miracle he created. I'm sorry he doesn't want to but that really isn't your problem. You better believe that if you for some reason owed him money for something he'd be all over it, so why let him get away with being a deadbeat just because he doesn't want to have any responsiblities? *And did he seriously say "empathy for *your* situation?!" SERIOUSLY?!

I say all that but I chose not to go after child support... Lyla's dad is generally either unemployed or working min wage jobs for a few weeks here and there so there really wasn't any upside to sharing my daughter. He's not on the birth certificate.

As for telling his family... I think that kind of depends on if you go after child support and if you want them around. Lyla's father's family doesn't know unless he told them... Which I doubt. I don't see anything wrong with you telling his sister via facebook though. I would want to know that I had a secret niece or nephew but keep in mind not everyone would be as excited, you know? I would try to say something along the lines of "I am expecting a child with (insert db's name here). He has chosen to be uninvolved but it is important for me for my son/daughter to have a relationship with his/her family." Try not to sound accusatory or bitter because she may end up getting defensive.

PS I can't believe he wished you a happy birthday... Gross. Did he really think you were going to be all like "OMG Thanks! You're so sweet! How have you been, Angelface?" Men are so effing stupid.

Oh... and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

... And that, my dear, actually was sincere :)

Thank you so much sweety for your reply... i know I cant just make it that easy for him, just to walk away. On top of that, i work as a nanny and am self-employed, and do not have benefits or maternity leave so i will for sure need some financial help one way or the other. I just hate confutation and causing drama, even though i know I have every right in the world to. OMG and I TOTALLY agree with the "traveling the world", but yet "I have no money for child support". What a joke! These "men"...seriously! Ha and the whole "empathy for YOUR situation"...apparently he seems to think this is my choice, there-for its MY situation... i really do want to at least inform his sister. I am a very family oriented person, and have a small family myself, and anyone that genually wants to be a part of my childs life I would never take that away, I just don't want to look like im causing drama. i think when i find out the sex of the baby in 2 weeks that might be a good time to message her.

Anyway im trying to stay positive, and hope for the best either way. I just want whats best for my baby. Thanks again, you were very helpful! Also your baby is sooo cute! I love the name as well, my girl name is "Laylah"! Hoping for a girl! xo! And thank you for the birthday wishes as well!

You absolutely HAVE to tell us as soon as you find out if it's a boy or girl.

I was actually going to suggest waiting until you can say "he" or "she" when you message the sister... It makes it more real I think.

I can't wait to hear more from you!