I am a SAHM with 2 boys, 1 and 4 years old. I have been at home for the past 4 years, but I am really struggling recently. My DH is a type A personality, so he is always on the go. He runs 100 mile races, is currently training for ironman Panama City, is starting a new bank, president of board for Ronald Mcdonald house, and has other hobbies like hiking mountains and hunting. Needless to say, he is always busy. He probably spends 2 hours in the evening with the boys and on weekends I get about 3-4 hours to catch up on cleaning and do homework (I am working on my degree). We try to do a family activity every weekend as well. He just walked in from a 5 day hunting trip and this is the first moment I have had without my kids since he left. Anyway......
I am feeling so so burnt out. My 1 year old was sick when my DH was hunting, and for some reason my 4 year old had a melt down b/c he didn't want to go to pre-K Monday. How do you ladies with really busy husbands do this? I am exhausted, emotionally and physically. For some reason I want a third kid.....I really want a girl.....and I am on Clomid so that doesn't help. I just wish my DH appreciated the fact that I am losing my mind while he is working towards all of his personal goals. I am resentful and angry at this point. I have tried telling him that the kids are suffering b/c I end up screaming at them half the time. I am SO DESPERATE for a break!
Any tips on how to survive raising these boys? I have yet to use a babysitter b/c I had some weird babysitters growing up and I am paranoid and untrusting. Also, my 1 year old is stll sleeping in my bed and my DH sleeps with the 4 year old. I followed Dr Sears attachment parenting and so nightime drama is at an all time high here at our house.
I would also love some tips on engaging the kids during the day, especially with all of the illness running through our community. I have been advised to avoid crowded indoor settings (4 yr old has asthma) and it is freezing here so we can't always play outside.
One more thing.....I have SERIOUS mommy guilt for yelling and for some of the things that I say to my 4 year old. How do you get over the mommy guilt????
Well I doubt I can answer all your questions but I will start with <breathe>.
I am a big advocate for getting help when needed and sometimes this doesn't come from DH (dear or dang husband). I suggest hiring a neighbor girl to come in for like $3-$5 an hour and have her help with some of the housework. You didnt really say that you were having trouble keeping up with that but maybe if you are free from some of that work, you can spend some time with the boys and getting homework done. It is so worth the $10 or $15 a week or whatever it is.
Wow, i can't imagine how difficult that must be for you! Do you ever leave the kids w/ DH on the weekends during the day and go out for a coffee/magazine/book/ nails done???Honestly, i'm a pretty truthful person, but sometimes i tell DH i'm going 'big' grocery shopping, leaving him w/ DS then i rush through the store @ top speed, stop for a coffee and magazine, and just sit for 30 min in silence reading.. I am a SAHM too, w/ one 12 month old boy, and I even feel stretched!! Do you take baths??? It might sound dumb, but i lock myself in the bathroom a few nights a week, put on a face mask, and soak for 20 min--honestly it helps me keep my sanity..
Also, could you get a sitter for when you are THERE at home?? That way, you could prepare dinner, do laundry, clean and even maybe do 1-2 hrs of homework?? I know if you want someone 'responsible or certified, you may be able to get a college student who is getting a degree in early childhood education.. they always need 'internships' and usually will work for free. :)
Do you ever talk to your DH about how you feel you need atleast an HOUR of ME time, for every week he gets for himself??... also, if you like to read but don't have the time to sit and do it, get a book on CD from the library, and listen to it in the bath while you soak and get your facial (can you tell i'm a multi tasker?? LOL)
Honestly, a good cry also helps me too.. i cry all the time when i'm tired or just plain frusterated. That might help w/ not taking it out so much on the kids
i'm sure you are a wonderful mother, or else you wouldn't even post about your troubles!
Do you have family or friends that you do trust to watch your kids? when was the last time you and DH went out alone?? I rarely RARELY get sitters for my DS, my DH and i have only gone out maybe 5 times since he's been born, but even just going to dinner or lunch then going straight home is nice. Nice, uninterruped meal. it refreshes me. :)
IMO you have every right to be angry and resentful. Why does your husband get to work on all of his personal goals (not to mention have fun because hunting is not a personal goal; it's a vacation with the guys) while his wife and children suffer? I would have a long and honest talk with him and if that does not help I would go to marriage counseling.
In the meantime, can you hire someone to clean the house for you so you can spend the time with your studies and the kids? What about having someone come in while you are home so they can entertain the kids while you catch up on other stuff? You could find a local nanny service and install some nanny cams after you are comfortable with the nanny. Just a few quick ideas. :)
Fun things to do: Finger painting, homemade playdoh, making cookies, coloring/crafts, working on ABCs/123s for the older boy, movies, reading, board games, hide and seek, duck duck goose, blow up some balloons and bat them around ( they cannot break into anything but watch out for popping/choking hazard :) ), legos/puzzles for the older boy.
As for the mommy guilt/yelling...if you don't get a break things will only get worse. You and your husband should set up a time every week so you can get time alone. Go have coffee with a friend, go shopping, whatever you enjoy doing. We all need some me time every once in a while. Your husband is not single and he should not act like only his goals and time for fun matters.
