Single Moms

I'm very sad and need to accept my situation. FOB filed for 50/50 custody when our daughter was four months old. Instead of enduring an expensive and emotional court battle, I gave in to 50/50 custody when she is 15 months old. There was really no fighting it, judges where I live give 50/50 once breastfeeding is done or at a year old, whichever is earlier. Our agreement was signed two months ago and I still can't accept that it's the right thing for her. It's eating away at me and I can't stop obsessing over it. I don't love the idea of 50/50 custody but I could accept it when she is older, closer to three or four years old. I think it's a mistake when she is so young and that she will have  problems due to going back and forth constantly.

I know that it's great that her father is involved, many single moms don't have that. Even though he and I don't agree on a lot of things, I know he loves her and that makes it a little easier.

Did any of you have such an agreement? How did the kids deal with it? How do I accept that this is the way it is and move on?

Any advice you have is much appreciated. Thanks.

I've not ever done 50/50--our custody arrangement was the standard EOWE, split holidays, summer vacation, etc.  My younger son was only 1 yo when we started with custody.  Yes, it was hard; ds1 wasn't too familiar with his dad and was very much a momma's baby.  Those 1st few times, I put on a happy face and never, ever let ds1 know how upset I really was.  (BTW-his dad is a *great dad* as well and loves his boys very much.)  It didn't take long for me to see the baby (and his older brother) were doing just fine.  They enjoyed their time with their dad, and being away from mom for a little while, and were glad to be back home when they came home.  And mom was rested and relaxed and ready to be a mom again.  :)

It will get easier to accept after a few times.  And you really, really need to be okay with it.  Kiddos can sense moods, tension, etc. and the more there is of that (especially at hand-off) the harder it will be on the baby.  If you are okay with it, the baby will do just fine.   

So many times a single mom just doesn't have time for herself or her friends, so take full advantage of the time your dd is with her dad.  Find/ressurect a hobby, visit with friends, go to the movies, sleep(!), whatever.  Take time for you.  This is good for you and it is good for the baby.

Good luck!

mjaye--single mom to two boys, 18 and 22.

Thank you for your response. I am trying to be okay with this but I just don't see that it is right for such a small child to move back and forth every couple of days. I truly believe it is not in her best interest. I know she loves her dad and enjoys her time with him, I just don't think it should be 50/50. Their relationship can be strong with less time.

I guess I'll just have to see how it goes and if she doesn't manage it well, I'll try to get the agreement changed.

I'm glad to hear that your kids did okay with the transitions. That helps a lot.

I agree with you totally, and am surprised to hear that this is a common judgment in your area. Where I live, my attorney told me it is very uncommon, almost unheard of for a judge to give the 50/50 visitation if both parents don't agree. I cannot imagine your pain and how hard this must be for you and wish there were a way to get the case re-heard??!! Definitely keep an eye out and document anything that happens in case you can go back to court.

I am having fits over my 3 yr. old daughter potentially spending even a whole weekend, two nights with my soon-to-be-ex. He wants to push for the 50/50 thing but I will fight it 110%...she is NOT used to being with him that much, and there are a number of reasons why it would not be in her best interest.