I haven't been on this board too much lately. Sometimes I feel a little guilty about posting here since I have one of my twins with me here on earth. Weird thoughts, but just one of the many that goes through my head sometimes.
I'm sorry to hear about your cousin's friend. I'm sure you had a lot of good advice to give. Probably what ends up hurting the most (even though people always mean well) is hearing how "at least you have one of the two." While this is true and helps me and DH through the days, it seems to diminish Owen's importance and existence if someone else says it to us (but we don't mind saying it to ourselves to help ourselves out).
I think everyone responds differently to the loss of one and joy of one all at the same time. For me, I have tried to put a positive spin on it for Sophia's sake (I don't want to regret anything with her because I was too depressed to enjoy her) and that seems to help me immensely. We waited so long for a child, and DH and I just don't want to miss out on making all the memories even though we miss our Owen at the same time. For me, I don't have a hard time looking at Sophia (now that might be different it was identical twins, I could see where that would be very hard). Different milestones and holidays and events are hard because you imagine what he would have been like too, what his laugh would have sounded like, etc. Also, I think what has helped me a lot is BFing. I think the happy hormones associated with that really smoothed out a lot of the lows and helped me bond better with Sophia.
If you want, you can email me through my profile if you think it would be helpful to put me in touch with your cousin's friend. I know that I sometimes feel like I am one of a very few that this has happened to - it is a unique stillbirth situation and feeling like you are the only one doesn't help things either.
Melissa
Sophia Gail - our IVF-ICSI miracle baby after 4 3/4 years TTC
Owen Patrick - our angel in heaven and Sophia's forever twin and guardian angel
