discussion title:
My Dear Sweet Inesa Eileen
I miss you dear little one. You are still and always will be my beautiful precious dear sweet Inesa, my daughter, my first born, my angel looking over us from above. You died 3 years ago today, November 1, 2006. I remember that day so clearly still. It was a day like no other I have ever experienced. I knew there was something wrong with you. The doctors had confirmed it 6 days earlier. But you were breathing and moving still, and you looked so amazing when we saw you on that big black and white screen - all warm and cozy in my tummy. You were too little, though, and there wasn't much fluid to help sustain you. Then on that strange Wednesday, November 1, you spoke to me. I wept inconsolably for you all day. You said goodbye to me the only way you could, through my soul, through my tears. Your mommy and daddy still held out hope though, that you were still OK. Then 5 days later, November 6, it was confirmed on that big black and white screen again, you had indeed passed on. That's when it was all clear to me. That amazing day, November 1. I had hoped and prayed that my unending tears on that day would be that you had taken a turn for the better. I wasn't giving up on you my dear one. But when it was confirmed on November 6, I knew... I knew... exactly the day you had passed... three short years ago today, November 1. "Good bye Mommy, God be with you Mommy."
God is with me, honey. He's with your whole family. Your daddy, your brother Collin, your sister Sasha, your mommy. He's with us all. You're in all of our hearts forever, dear one. Dear sweet Inesa.
If you had lived, you would be about 2.5 years old now. What would you have been for Halloween? What would have been your first words? When would have been your first steps? When would you have first smiled at your mommy? What would you want read to you at night? What would you want sung to you? Would you have liked to be rocked, like your sister Sasha? Or not liked it, like your brother Collin? Would you like hot dogs and ketchup and mac & cheese? Would you have gobbled up any food we put in front of you or would you have been finicky about your food? Would you have liked Ruby or JD, the puppies? Oh, dear Inesa, all the memories and joys we would have ... should have ... had together. The list and the questions will never end as the years keep passing by.
I will make sure that your siblings know all about you and how lucky we all are to have our little sweet angel Inesa in our hearts.
I could go on sweety. Just please always know how you are in my heart forever. I love you Inesa. God be with you.
Love, Mommy
