Does anyone else feel like I do?

kelsey1990

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discussion title:

Does anyone else feel like I do?

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29490.1

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from:

kelsey1990

date:

Nov-5 11:11 am

I am 19 years old and I have a six month old daughter named Alice. I live with my boyfriend and my daughter in Virginia. I graduated high school and put off going to college for a year to save up money for tuition. I got pregnant in August of last year. When I told my boyfriend he was not exactly excited or happy about it but wanted to keep the baby, I was not sure what I wanted to do. A few days after he told his father, he told us about a very well off couple that he knew that were not able to have children that would pay for all of the medical expenses, adopt the baby, and let us see her whenever we wanted to. I gave it some serious thought, but when I would try to talk to my boyfriend about it he would not even consider it. It's not that I did not want her, it was just that I knew then that I did not think I could handle being a mom so early. I knew that we really would not be able to support our selves and a child, and I did not want her to grow up like I did, with parents who work meaningless jobs just to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I wanted her to have parents that would be able to give her everything she would ever want and be able to pay for college for her. I decided to keep her and I live with guilt everyday. I love her so much, but at the same time I think of all of the things that I will never get to do now, like going away to school and living in a dorm, and other things, and then I feel even worse because she did not ask to be brought into the world. Yesterday I missed an interview that I had with our local police department for a job because I could not get a sitter and I got upset and then I got more upset because I felt guilty because I was upset. I am at home with her all day everyday except for when I go to my part time job at a local grocery store and it stresses me out. Every time I try to talk to my boyfriend about how I feel he says "what do you want me to do about it?" or "what do you want me to say?" or even worse he says nothing at all, and when I try to take a little bit of time to myself he gets mad. I look at his brother's girlfriend and his cousin and see how happy they are to be mommies and I wonder why I do not feel like that. His brother's girlfriend tells me that she knows how I feel all the time and I know her situations stressful for her too, but she's older than I am and was excited to be having a baby so she really does not know how I feel. I feel guilty and sad and alone and just wanted to know if anyone else feels like this or has ever felt like this.

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deeliciouscupcake

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Nov-7

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discussion title:

Does anyone else feel like I do?

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29490.2 in response to 29490.1

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from:

deeliciouscupcake

to:

kelsey1990

date:

Nov-7 6:49 pm

i couldn't possibly know what you're going through but i emphasize with you :( all i can say is do what you have to do now and try and keep a smile on your face. look on the bright side of life, you have a healthy baby and the father still in your life. work hard and when the time comes like when you're baby starts school, you try going back to school then you can get a career you want and make up for all the things you wish you couldve gave to your baby earlier. things will pay off just give it time and learn to manage your stree :)

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naomi8_09mommy

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discussion title:

Does anyone else feel like I do?

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29490.3 in response to 29490.1

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from:

naomi8_09mommy

to:

kelsey1990

date:

Nov-7 7:40 pm

Where in VA do you live?

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brewsterbabe

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Nov-10

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Does anyone else feel like I do?

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29490.4 in response to 29490.3

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brewsterbabe

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naomi8_09mommy

date:

Nov-9 12:23 am

I understand. I myself love my son more than anything in the world. Every time he smiles at me my heart seriously does backflips because I LOVE to see him smile but at the same time I feel as though I don't deserve him because I am not "stable" enough for him.

I do think that you made the right decision. Like you, I feel as though I am missing out on many of the great things that come with college and being young but I do know that I myself would be completely lost if I actually gave my son up. I think you would do. Our kids are a part of ourselves now. I feel like a complete loser to the world because I was once so independent and successful with my studies and life. My son is the only person that makes me feel important and special.

Brewsterbabe

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imsum1els

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discussion title:

Does anyone else feel like I do?

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29490.5 in response to 29490.4

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from:

imsum1els

to:

brewsterbabe

date:

Nov-17 11:25 pm

I know for the most part how you are feeling. I am 17 and just had my daughter Oct 5. I still live with my parents and go to school as well as hold a part-time job at a nursery at a local ski resort. I love my Daughter to pieces and couldn't imagine life with out her, but I've already missed do much. I found out i was pregnant half way through my junior year and was incredibly sick my entire pregnancy. I've barely been to school since i got pregnant and couldn't hold a job this summer, i was so lonely. Though i still have one or two really good friends and my bf I don't have a life anymore that doesn't involve Keira. I feel awful when i think about what i'd be like if i never had her and how id be able to do high school stuff.i do miss my life before baby so much, but i look at her and wouldn't change it for anything, i may not have a social life or get to do high school/ teen things but she's my life not and i love her so much.

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