message #:
3336.5 in response to 3336.1
date:
11/11/2005 10:46 am
Hi downtime, How are you doing?? I also had to terminate a pregnancy. My baby girl had half of her heart missing. It was a heart-wrenching decision, but the prognosis was not good. Her condition would require surgery immediately after birth, which they did not know if she would survive. Then if she did mangage to live through it, she would be faced with surgery again at 3 months, six months, and eighteen months. I was devastated. Besides the fact that she was 19 weeks at termination, my husband never wanted to have the baby to begin with. We are both in our second marrige, the pregnancy was unplanned and definitely unwanted by him. I had to recover emotionally by myself, and very alone. It took a toll on our marriage because the loss was really mine alone. I had no support from him. Mine was October 15, 2004. The pain has gotten duller, I am not so hysterical anymore at the sight of a new baby. There are still MANY things that set my mind/heart off again into a deep sadness... I think the thought of her will always be with me. It is good to talk about it here, I didn't talk about it much to anyone. I hope you are getting stronger everyday. Know in your heart you did the best thing for you and your baby. You made the best choice you could.
Best wishes, Deb
message #:
3336.6 in response to 3336.5
date:
11/11/2005 10:38 pm
Deb,
I have more good days than bad now but I still miss Liam very much. This past week has been emotional, I got my period on tuesday and it was a happy and sad thing. Now I can start to plan a little for when I can try again but it is also a reminder that I am not pregnant. Last night I lay in bed wondering how big I would have been now. I go back to work next week. I am a little anxious because I know the first few days will be emotional seeing everyone again since losing Liam. I can deal with my tears I hope everyone else can. Thank you for your kind thoughts and wishes. Katie
message #:
3336.7 in response to 3336.6
date:
11/16/2005 12:04 pm
Hi Katie~ How are you doing? It must be difficult to be back at work, but somehow it helps a little to get back into life. The first few periods were awful for me too. A very emotional roller coaster! It was still months later that I would feel "kicks" inside. That was very tough. My husband was not there for me, so I would sit in my closet, curled up in a ball, crying for hours. A very bad time. The smallest thing would remind me again!! Do you have support from someone? Is there someone there for you to talk to? It's important to connect with people, something I did not do very well!
I wish I had found this message board sooner. It would have helped me a lot to connect with others when I felt so alone.
I am hoping that you are doing well, and not feeling so alone. Do something nice for yourself. Do your nails, or get a haircut. Get a new outfit. Take a walk. Keep writing. It does get better.
Best wishes,
Deb
message #:
3336.8 in response to 3336.7
Hi Deb
It has been a roller coaster ride this week. The first day back at work I cried a lot. I had to see one of the nurses at work before returning and she said she thought that I made the right choice. I have never told her anything and the one nurse in the health centre that I did tell took it upon herself to tell all the other nurses and her supervisor. So much for privacy and confidentiality. The nurse that I had told initially felt that I shouldn't terminate and that if I didn't think I could handle it I should give the baby up for adoption. She is the only person I told that I got a negative response from. The other nurses have been very supportive so hopefully she is the only one with that opinion.
My co-workers have been very supportive and quiet. I think they are afraid to say anything that may upset me. I had an argument with my supervisor the second day but that has been resolved. Just frustated things are always stressed at work and I am not so in control of my emotions as usual. I cried a little and it felt good to get mad too and release some of the energy that way.
Thursday after my shower I almost passed out so I went to the hospital. My period started a week ago tuesday and this Wednesday night it got very heavy. The OB/GYN gave me a prescription to reduce the bleeding thank goodness it has worked. I am still bleeding(12 days now)but it is lighter. I missed work thursday being at the hospital and the OB said to not go back to work until monday. So much for trying to back to work this week, I only worked 4 hours mon,tue,wed. Hopefully next week will be better.
I have lots of people around to talk to and I come here to this board and another to talk and read with other women who have gone through the same thing. Having people like you to talk to and read about similar experiences really helps. I feel like I have taken a couple of steps backwards this week and I am exausted but today was a better day. I can only try and take one day at a time. Even when I think I am feeling pretty good I have days where all the sadness comes back.
thanks for being here,
Katie
message #:
3336.9 in response to 3336.8
Hi! Thanks for writing. I'm glad it helps to write to me. It sounds like your first 2 weeks have been pretty tough. I remember crying a lot at the beginning too. It was especially hard for me to go back to work where I work with young children and there was one mother there who was due with her third one about 2 weeks before I was due. There she was, pregnant and complaining about how huge she was, and I was so lost and empty. That was so hard for me!! I had to be okay at work, but at home, I was a wreck. I wish I had found a place like this at the time!!! It would have helped so much to talk about it with someone!
It will be great for you to be on a break from work for Thanksgiving now. Will you be with your family? Every little thing becomes a big reminder, but the pain will not be as sharp as time goes on.
Be sure to do something nice for yourself. Read an uplifting book. Go for a walk (before it gets too cold!!) Connect with family and friends, or watch a funny movie. It feels good to laugh again! Almost as good as a really good cry. Keep a journal. Someday you'll look back at all of this, and you'll know how hard it was, but you'll know you did the right thing... for both of you.
I truly hope you are feeling better.
Best wishes,
~Deb
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