Termination Due to Poor Prenatal Tests

Well, tomorrow is the day that we officially terminate this pg.  I took 2 cytotec pills tonight, and within about an hour I started to bleed a LOT!  I didn't think I would have that much at once.  I stood up, and did a funny walk to the washroom, and yelled for DH to come and help me with clean clothing.  i went thu a pad in seconds.  Not only that, I couldn't leave the bathroom for over 30 mins since the bleeding was so bad.  It's finally slowed, but I have no idea for how long now.

I passed some small clots along with the pills.  I thought they would have completely disolved, and was shocked to see them like I did.  I am worried I will pass the baby at home as well.  I guess the downside for me with all this is that I am an RN and know what to look for.

I sent Andrew up to bed since he worked nights last night and only managed 4 hours sleep if that today.  We took my son and daughter to see Thomas the train at the mall.  HUGE mistake!  All those new babies in there killed me.  Funny thing is, I have 2 good friends that are expecting ( one due when I was ) and I am not upset by it.  I guess it's because I love them so much and I am so happy for them.

Today on the way home I told Andrew I wasn't prepared to do this and I have second thoughts.  I really thought I was ok with everything, but I'm not.  Too late now and I know I am doing the right thing, but why is it so hard?  Why did I accept it all up until today?

We were to have an Aunt come and watch the kids for us in the morning, but her husbnads Aunt died 2 days ago and the funeral is tomorrow, so now we need to get the kids up in the morning at 5 and bring them with us.  I feel for Andrew since I know he will have a lot on his plate, and a 2 1/2 yr old and a 1 yr old will be hard to deal with.  Its cold out and nothing will be open so early in the morning so what is he to do?  He packed the dvd player and hopefully it will keep them happy for a while.  I don't expect to be in there longer than noon since surgery is at 8...if I get in on time!

I am just feeling so alone right now.  My friends are great and trying to help where they can, but I feel so empty inside!  When does this get easier?

Thanks for letting me vent!

                 

Nikki,

I've been thinking of you today.   My condolences on your loss. 

That's awful that you have to drag your kids along because I'm sure that made everything just more difficult and stressful.   It takes a long time before things get better because it happens ever so slowly.   You've lost a child and it takes time to go through all the steps of grief.

Lots of ((( HUGS )))) to you.   I'll be saying a prayer for you and the baby tonight.

Mary Ellen