Termination Due to Poor Prenatal Tests

(((((HUGS)))))

I'm Dawn, I'm also from the PG After SB board. I recognize your name and thought that I would offer you my P&PT. I am exactly 18wks and I have been informed that I will have to terminate my current p/g. I will not post it here, I'll make it a separate post, but too have the same question. HOW DO YOU MAKE THIS CHOICE? I too have a perfectly fine 3 y/o at home (boy) and this is heartbreaking. My diagnosis has gone from bad to worse in the past week.

If you ever want to talk it would be nice to have someone who understands to some degree what this feels like. I am so so very sorry you have to go through this. But I know know exactly how you feel.

Dawn
deliteful_one@hotmail.com If you email me, put your screen name in the subject line so it doesn't get deleted.

My heart goes out to you...this is the hardest decision you will ever have to make...I was in the same position a little over 3 years ago. I was about 20 weeks along with a little girl, and had a perfectly healthy 5 year old daughter at home. After my first US, we were told that the baby appeared to have severe kidney damage/malformations...with every doctor's visit, U/S, and every new test, the news went from bad to worse, culminating with a devastating diagnosis from one of the top fetal & maternal ultrasound specialists in the country. They all said that she could have probably lived to birth (no guarantees, because the amniotic fluid would have eventually been compromised), but it seemed a done deal that if she lived past birth she would have died a very painful and prolonged death from kidney failure. There was absolutely no way that I could have put a child that I already loved so much through such torture, so I chose to terminate. I believe in my heart that it was painless for her (they gave me a shot that stopped her heart 2 days prior to the surgery). Someone once said that by making this choice, we take what would have been our childs physical pain and carry it as our emotional pain instead, so we spare them the pain and suffering we know they would have endured.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and I will check this board to see how you are doing. I know it won't be easy, but you will make the best choice you can for you and your family.

Dana

Hello,
I am so sorry that you have a reason to be here. I have not checked this board in a long time but something made me check it tonight. I, too,have been in your shoes. It was almost 4 years ago that I went for what I thought was a routine ultrasound. I was 17w pg with my 3rd child. I received horrific news, like yourself.....no amniotic fluid, one missing kidney and the other completely malformed and non-functioning. My DH and I went for 2nd and 3rd opinions and they were all in complete agreement....the baby would not live, whether I chose to carry to term or terminate the pregnancy earlier. I could not bear the thought of carrying my precious baby to term only to have the baby either be stillborn or die in my arms so I made the "choice" to terminate my pregnancy at 18w. It was an awful decision to have to make- however, one thing that made my decision "easier" was when a very Catholic ob-gyn (in a Catholic hospital mind you) said to me, "you are not prolonging life, you are only postponing death." Once I heard those words, I knew that I was making the right choice for me and my family.

Remember, that only you and your family can decide what is "best" for you and them. No one else, particularly those that have not walked in your shoes, can or should tell you what to do. You will need to find peace in your decision, whatever you decide.

If you'd like to talk more, please let me know and I will give you my e-mail address.

Hugs to you......
Susan (^i^ Michael Jude 3/7/02)

Hi,

I am so sorry for your pain. I can't tell you what you should do or how you should make this decision. No one can. But I can tell you how I made the choice.

I found out at about 20 weeks that my daughter had basically no brain. Just a brain stem. She could not live. I was only 21 years old. I had no living children.

I went home and researched her diagnosis online. I found the website detailing the brief life of a baby with a similar condition to my Tessa's. This baby had more brain than Tessa did, this baby had the less severe form of what Tessa had. And the mother chose to try to prolong this poor, hopeless baby's life as long as she could. I read the web journal and just cried and cried. The baby suffered more than anyone should ever, ever have to suffer. All she knew of the world was pain. I swore to myself that I would be strong enough to spare my daughter that pain. All Tessa ever knew of life was the warmth of the womb and the sound of my heartbeat. I value that and it is one of the few things in which I was able to take comfort.

That was June of 2000. More than five and a half years ago. I have since, just last September, had an unexplained 18 week miscarriage. I have never, ever regretted the choice I made with Tessa. It was the loving choice, it was the best choice. I made it 100% for her benefit. If it would have benefitted her to be carried longer, I would have done that, but at that point... I could not save her, though I wanted to so badly. I couldn't save her but I could spare her pain. That was all I could do for her, the only way I could take care of her. And I did so.

Whatever you choose, I hope you find peace with it and that you find the answers you need. There is nothing ever simple or easy about losing a child. I am so sorry that you and your babies and your family have had to suffer so much.

*HUGS*

Trisha
angels Tessa and Ceiran
living children Sean and new little one due in August